Are You Learning Your Lesson?

When talking about empowerment, people tend to embrace it or reject it. Some say well, Why do I need to be empowered to do things that I should be doing anyway. Well that is a good questions. Recently I've been able to live a more fulfilling life by understanding my purpose in life. Instead of being afraid of it or walking around blindly. It all because I've developed self-reliance — I’ve learned to take responsibility for my own happiness instead of being passive, leaving my happiness in the hands of others.

“If you’re not self-reliant, you’ll never do any more than just ‘get by’,” I found this quote and it absolutely changed my mind about who can make my happy and why. Now with that said.  here are some steps I have found to be helpful:

• Assume responsibility. Take the blame for things that are your fault; look after your own work; plan your own time; depend on yourself to get things done.
• Be informed. If you don’t know some vital piece of information, find it out. Ask. Get the facts you need to make smart decisions. Knowledge gives you power. Ignorance puts you at the mercy of others.
• Know where you’re going. Set goals. Have a long-range plan so that you understand the general course you’re trying to make through life. Don’t simply react passively to the world around you.
• Make your own decisions. Develop the ability to think for yourself. Don’t rely on others to make choices for you — that’s a sure route to unhappiness. Be decisive.

These steps are very similar to habits espoused by modern self-help gurus. Taking control of your own destiny is a great way to improve your satisfaction with life, to increase your happiness. Here's what Ralph Waldo Emerson has to say about Self Reliance.

There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2009 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

Living A Happy Life

When asking "What makes you happy" People will say many things like: a raise, a better job, a new car, a bigger house, a nice long vacation and so on. Does any of these things ring true for you? Are you truly happy with your status in life. I am going to give you 5 things to help you become focused on what true happiness is and how to achieve it.

Yes, having material things can make one happy but for how long? Let's take a look at the list and see how we can experience happiness from within.

1. Family and friends

When you really think about it. Family and friends are what makes our world go around. There is nothing better than going to your grandmother's house for a good home cook meal or hanging out with cousins at the family reunion. Let's not forget the barbeque at the neighbor's house last summer. Something about being with family and friends once in a while gets the blood pumping and happiness is not too far behind. Even in the times when you are having difficulties understanding why your sister married him or why your son wants to date her, having family around that truly cares about you and you can trust gives you the sense of you are not alone, there are others that are a part of your world.

2. Giving back

Remember the movie "Pay It Forward", well that is what gives us that feeling of being complete. Doing something for nothing is not what we have been taught. Letting things go and not keeping score is a novelty idea, but when you do it you feel great. Donating to a charity or just giving someone a smile. Not wandering what the homeless man begging for change on the corner is going to do with it but handing him a dollar just because. Letting your heart lead you and not always being logical. Giving a helping hand when it is needed, makes you smile and you must admit puts an added bounce in your step.

3. Meaningful Work

What are you here to do? Not all of us can afford to do the one thing that we are passionate about. Most of the time it will not make us money so we settle for the high paying job. We soon find out that we are not happy, we are actually quite misreable but we continue to do it because it is a paycheck.

Some people will try to offset it by doing volunteer work. Listen, if you are not happy doing the job you are doing you need to rethink it. Life is too short to spend 2080 hours being miserable. Find your purpose and even if it is just on a volunteer basis, DO IT! If you can get paid and do it, even better.

4. Freedom

It's impossible to become truly happy when you don't have even a small ounce of freedom in your life. Whether it's being able to express yourself creatively or being able to make a choice for yourself, personal freedom is important. Suppressing yourself only brings forth a lot of negative emotions and discontent.

5. Success

Who doesn't want to succeed? Here's the deal people that have experience success continue to push past their fears and boundaries into new and exciting terrority. Why, because they understand the process. Those that live by fear will never experience the contentment that comes with being successful. What is that old addage,"if at first you dont succeed, try again." This means that not everything you do will be a success but dont give up. Look for what you are good at and do it well. With every failure or mistake it's just an elimination. It only means that was not it. But what is right for you is still out there. You will find that making and keeping your goals are easier once you start to experience true success. The success of not giving up on you.

These are just some of what makes people happy. Not everything is about materialism. There's happiness to be found in even the simplest, intangible things.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2010 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

When I say Move...Move

It is hard to make a decision, right? Is this something that you tell yourself? You want to do something you want to take advantage of an opportunity that presents itself to you but you have to make a decision to do it now. You have to look at the pros and cons.

So let me ask you this, if your life depended on you moving right now to make life better, would you have to think about it or would you just move.

If you are not willing to take a chance what does that say about you? What does that say about what you think about your life?

Sometimes, it just better to move. Just like that.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2009 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

A Better You, NOW?

Everyone has a “get rich quick” scheme!

Every one has adopted the “name it and claim” fabrication!

Every where there is a “process” or “program” for attracting the love of your life, all the money you desire and the body of a God/dess!

And it seems that everyone is an “expert” of this or a “guru” of that with lofty promises of making you a guru too!

In the words of Malcolm X, You’ve been had! Hoodwinked! Bamboozled and led astray! And not necessarily in this order!

Well DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE! And it’s all “hype!” You cannot microwave your way to health in 10 minutes! And success is not a mirage! Health, Love, Money and Fame will not come by way of smoke and mirrors! So stop falling for the okie-doke! You will not blink your eyes and land on top of the mountain, neither will you amass fame and fortune in your life by fast talking, quick thinking, scheming lies!
Sorry,  I must keep it 100!  I give it to you straight, no artificial flavors, sugars are additives! Hard work, has become a term of profanity and success has become a con game!

Well I for one have had it! So if you are ready to roll up your sleeves and have the drive, guts and determination to get in the driver’s seat of your life and stop being persuaded by the “green grass” in the other guy’s yard and are ready to take care of your own lawn and sow your own seeds so that you may reap a bountiful harvest, then let’s do it together.

In the words of Michael Jackson, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror and I’m asking him to change his ways. No message could have been any clearer”…IF you want to make this world a better place you gotta start with you.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2010 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

The Dirtiest Four Letter Word by Carl Reid

This article was originally published in The Productivity Institute (PI) Newsletter

When my daughter was about 3 or 4 I began asking her to do things to push her past her limits. She always felt she performed quite well, because she received a lot of encouragement for just attempting to do things most people would say 4-5-6-7-8 year olds aren’t capable of doing. I would get her to do things, like asking her to take her bowl and put it in the sink. Although I knew she couldn’t reach the sink, I just wanted her to try to reach anyway. Dropping the bowl was OK. After a couple of futile attempts, I picked her up so she could place the bowl in the sink. She still felt accomplished in feeling like she still did it herself. Another time I asked her to help me clean an imaginary dirt spot on the wall that was out of her reach. After she tried and figured out she couldn’t reach, I picked her up. She cleaned the spot. She felt very satisfied with her accomplishment.

Not yet 4 1/2 years old, one day I asked her to count to 10. She hadn’t been taught yet, but I thought I would really push her. She responded with the nastiest little word. I told her, if she said that “bad word” again, I would wash her mouth out with soap. I came from the bathroom, with a bar of soap to show her I meant business. I asked her again to count to 10. She said that 4 letter word again, more adamantly. I rubbed my finger across the wet bar of soap and rubbed my fingered across her lips. As soon as she licked her lips, she proceeded to cry from the awful soap taste. She ran to her mother to sooth the distaste on her lips. When I told her mother about my request, she [mother] freaked out. Mother also said the same dirty word, in referring to my daughter’s limited knowledge. I was a maniac, as far as her mother was concerned.

I pulled my daughter from the safety of her mother’s arms. As I visibly rubbed my finger over the soap bar, I asked my daughter to count to 10. She already knew the result of saying the bad 4 letter word. So she thought carefully. The most amazing thing happened. She turned around with her back to me and said “help me daddy”. This was symbolic. She knew every time I picked her up, she always accomplished something.
That dirty word did not appear in my daughter’s vocabulary again, until her second year in high school. She didn’t do well in history. I asked her “what is the problem”. She responded with that dirty word in a complete sentence. I proceeded to the bathroom and she changed her tune with a quick retraction and apology for using that word. So we continued with planning actions for improving her report card. She past all her subjects, including history, on the next report card. It’s phenomenal how eliminating that nasty word helped her accomplish so many things over the years.

The odd thing is this 4 letter word is socially acceptable in any gathering of people. No one gives it a second thought. Very few people realize the damage this nasty word does to other people. It cripples many people. People hear this word, pass it on to other people and more people hurt themselves saying it. Many parents think nothing of saying this word to their children in every day conversation.

People miss out, on opportunities, raises, going to college, moving up the corporate ladder, starting a business, settling a dispute, forgiving a family member, meeting a new friend, taking a trip, learning something new, negotiating a better deal, just by uttering this word constantly. Drum roll please . . . the dirtiest 4 letter word, which should be stricken from the English dictionary, is: Can’t

I can’t do it *It can’t work * You can’t have everything you want * It can’t be done * You can’t do that
Who wants their mouth washed out with soap?

*******
“No one is a failure, unless they fail to try” -unknown
 
Carl E. Reid landed his first managerial position at age 16. Mr. Reid has over 40 years of business experience, including 26 years as an information technology expert and 15 years as a business career coach. He is CEO of NetTECH Systems Reid & Associates, Inc..  Carl has been a professional blogger and social media expert since 2004. In addition to being a sought after speaker, he publishes Library of Congress recognized newsletter blogs www.SavvyIntrapreneur.com and www.iTechSpeak.com . Carl is Chief Operations Officer for Empowering Today™s (ETP) Network. Email: Carl@success4u2.net - Tel: 201-222-5390.

Destined2bu.com

How Come Or Why?

“What does not take me out, makes me stronger.”

Many of us say this phrase after we have come out of a trial or hardship. We tend to get a sense of empowerment from this statement. The real question here is do we truly believe this statement. Is this just one of those statement that sounds good after a period of stressful situations. What if you are still in the midst of your dilemma, can you say this phrase? Can you claim the triumph even then? Do you ask “Why” me, why did I have to suffer? Do you harbor bitterness and unforgiveness?

You see many of us are so preoccupied with the “WHY” something happen that we may never get to the “HOW COME”. With that said, the question becomes, “How come this occurred and what am I suppose to learn? Exploring this can be daunting, so here are a few tips.

You need to ask yourself what is my pain. A doctor prescribes medication because of the symptoms the patient says they are experiencing. More simply put, when you go to the doctor with a pain in your stomach, you describe it to the doctor and he does an examination. With the information you have given him and what he finds through his examination, he then prescribes a medication regiment that will allow healing to occur. Now, it is understandable that the medication itself does not heal the body but what it does do is cause the pain to subside. In the absence of your discomfort, your body can then heal itself. What a concept, the medical profession has taught us to get rid of the pain so the process of healing can happen. If you ask yourself this question, do not use other words like what is the problem or who is my problem. Stay focused on you. Moving from what is my pain to what is the problem, you are minimizing your discomfort. It is like taking an Advil for a toothache. You may feel okay for a while but eventually the pain is going to come back because you have not dealt with the real issue and no healing is occurring.

Knowing what your pain is will lead to, “Why am I stuck?” Many will try to brush past this. If you have ever had an open wound, you know that it must heal from the inside out. This process can take a while and if you are not careful, the skin will begin to close on the surface but the wound is not total healed underneath. When this occurs, you have to reopen the wound to allow the healing to take place correctly. The same is true for inner healing. You must allow the inside to be healed before it will show on the surface. No facades that will hide the festering boil underneath. Being stuck in a rut and not understanding why things happened, can only lead to repetitious behaviors. These behaviors will keep you living in misery and regret, making one bad decision after another because you have not learned how to avoid it.

This is when you have to define the how come. The “how come” is logical reasoning. The “how come” will bring the change in your behavior you have been looking for. It will help you learn the lesson life was teaching you. For instance, maybe you were in that bad situation because you needed to learn self worth. The “how come” only comes with clarity of vision and after you probe deep inside yourself.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2010 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

A Woman Healed of Life's Experiences

The one thing we need but many of us struggle to get is respect. In life, we will go through some hard times and if we are lucky, we will be able to come out on the winning side. However, what about the one that are caught in the cracks. Is there hope for the woman whose been abused (emotionally, mentally, physically or socially)? Who is there to let that woman know there is hope in her hopeless situation?


We hear so much about sisterhood yet we are set apart. We gossip about one another, steal each other's men and if we get the chance, we will ruin another reputation so we look good. Now does this sound like sisterhood?

There is a story about a woman, who as a teenager suffered being molested, verbally abused and lived in a house of raging with domestic violence. This woman grew up with anger issues and never tried to deal with them. She had relationship after relationship fail. One day she came to the realization that the life she was living was just a shadow of what could be. She did not have to live with the pain, frustration and depression. She could rise above it. She could be free. However, she knew that wit would take some restoration of her inner emotions. She would have to learn how to look at life differently, not using her own reasoning because it was skewed and fragile.

She sought help from counselors and coaches that help her see past the hurt, habits and hang-ups. She was able to start a relationship on a healthy note and those negative friends – well she was able to influence them to be more positive. This did not happen over night it only started with a single step.

The first step can be the hardest however, if you are truly ready for healing to occur in your life then you will allow this step to take place, including removing all negative and unhealthy influences in your life. Many times, it is what we allow in our lives that hinder us the most. The woman mentioned above had to deal with the past in order to maintain her present and secure her future.

We learned in history that if we do not learn from history it is bound to repeat itself. Well, this is true even in our lives. If we are not willing to learn from bad decisions, our fears, our failure and, even more importantly, our successes then we are bound to repeat them. Dr. Susan Jeffers says, “Life is not a struggle but an opportunity”. Additionally, you only get a single opportunity to make it count. Do not live with regret and remorse. Not to make light of the experiences you have been through, Nevertheless, if she can learn to let go of the pain and anger, then why not you?

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2009 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching