The War For My Mind Series Day 5

Have you ever said, "But I just can’t help it." Maybe your words are similar to, "Yeah, that might work for you but not for me, I need ..." You may even tell yourself, "I okay. I don't really need to change the way I think. It's just the way I am." Sound familiar?

The great news is no one has to settle for these excuses. Just tell yourself I get to change so my life can be transformed. I get to make new decisions starting today. Here's another tip, You don't have to settle for anything. Go for what you want. Just think about it Michael Phelps said he would win 8 golden medals in the 2008 Olympics in Beijing and as I and the rest of the world watched. He did exactly that. In spite of those that said how hard it would be to make it happen. What he would have to do and how great his opponents were. Even when Serbian-American swimmer Milorad Čavić caused a minor stir when he said it would be "good" if Phelps lost. "It'd be good for him if he loses. It would be nice if historians talk about Michael Phelps winning seven gold medals and losing the eight to 'some guy.' I'd like to be that guy." Michael Phelps did not lose sight of what his ultimate goal was. as history would have it. August 17, 2008. I sat in my living room with my mother cheering him on as he would his eighth gold medal.

Day 5

The Problem:

Most of our thinking is habitual. Thousands of thoughts flow through our minds daily. Then when we had the fact that as we come into contact with others, our minds are communicating with each other and the vibes go from thousands to tens of thousands, that is a lot of thoughts. Now add to this that there are people who are more than eager to bring gossip, bad emotions, bad news and useless information to you. Well you get the picture. 

Now, listen to this, it takes no effort to think a bad thought. However, on the other hand it takes much effort to think a good thought. As you start to resist these bad thought, understand there is a war going on for your mind. It does not get easier because you have said I am going to do this. It requires you to force this into a habit. You must be conscious of your thoughts from this point on. 

The Solution:

1. Stay Active. Don't let your thoughts happen without your knowledge

2. Have positive quotes, scriptures, sayings, movies, books, songs and most important people around you

3. Mediate on good things. Find something you love that makes you smile and when things are getting hectic begin to mediate on that.

4. Have a center. Find that one things that centers you. Use your spiritual connection to God. Understand the power that comes with understanding his will for your life and his love for you. If you are not a Christian, find something greater than you that will balance you. Let me tell you there is nothing better than God for this.

5. Remember we are eternal beings living in a temporal world. This means, the world around us will change but we are constant and connected to the source of life. Remember the seasons change, you get older, but what's important remains the same.

6. Negative thoughts do not originate with you. They have a source and if you change the source you can change the thoughts.

7. Choose to think!!!

The Benefit:

It is important to remember once you make the choice to think right, to think positive and not focus on the negative. It’s not a once in for all thought and that is it. You never have to worry about it again. It is a daily active plan to make your thoughts stay positive no matter what comes your way. The great thing about this is you will be rewarded greatly for it. Those that are near you will benefit also. 

This is just a sample of a new coaching program that I am developing. I will be offering it on my website as a complimentary 30 day course. On May 1, 2012, you will be able to get all 30-days delivered to your email box. I hope you will take the time to sign up for this thought-provoking and stimulating course. 

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Dealing with Negative Emotions by Lori Deschene

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr

For as long as I can remember, I have been a fugitive from my feelings.

Psychologists suggest that we are driven by two connected motivations: to feel pleasure and avoid pain. Most of us devote more energy to the latter than the former.

Instead of being proactive and making choices for our happiness, we react to things that happen in our lives, and fight or flee to minimize our pain.

Instead of deciding to end an unhealthy relationship and open up to a better one, we may stay and either avoid confrontation or initiate one to feel a sense of control. Instead of leaving a horrible job to find one we love, we may stay and complain about it all the time, trying to minimize the pain of accepting the situation as real—and enduring until we change it.

From a very young age, I felt overwhelmed by pain. As a pre-teen, I ate my feelings. As a teen, I starved them away. In college, I drank and smoked them numb. And in my twenties, I felt and cried my eyes red and raw.

I sobbed. I wailed. I shook and convulsed. And I wished I’d never chosen to feel them, but rather kept pushing them down, pretending everything was fine.

Except when I did that, they didn’t just go away—they compounded on top each other and built up until eventually I exploded, with no idea why I felt so bad.

One time when I was 17, I couldn’t open a jar of jelly. After ten minutes of twisting, banging, and fighting, I finally threw it at a wall and broke down.

You may think that was a sure sign I had emotional problems, and assume there was some pill to help anesthetize that sadness.

That’s what a lot of people thought. But the reality was a lot simpler: I simply never dealt with my feelings from events large and small, and eventually they dealt with me.

As unpleasant as it may sound, I needed to learn how to feel bad—but first I needed to understand why I felt bad so often. It’s a whole lot easier to deal with pain when it’s not the default feeling.

This, I’ve learned, comes down to three steps:

1. Developing emotional intelligence.
2. Learning to sit with negative feelings.
3. Creating situations for positive feelings.

How Do You Spell Relief?

How do you spell relief? Well in the 1970's there was a commercial that was famous. How do you spell relief? R-O-L-A-I-D-S. I can still hear it running in my head, I even believe a few times in school I might have even spelled relief as a spelling word as ROLAIDS. LOL. Well, Now that I have grown up I no longer  spell relief as Rolaids. But I still need to experience relief for the many symptons of stress in my life. So How do you spell relief?


We all experience stress in one form of the other. Our muscles tense, our faces become hard and stern, our bodies get worn out and our minds unravel and fray. What is Stress? Merriam-Webster defines it as a constraining force or influence as a physical, chemical or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and can lead to the development of specific disease conditions. To put it mildly constant exposure to high levels of stress can be extremely toxic to your system. Being constantly stressed can cause you to be temperamental, ineffective in your work, business and relationships, and not to mention, just plain miserable with your life. So I have research a way to deal with stress and want to share it with you. I came across an acronym and started applying to it my life but I have added another piece part because I believe it enhances the results. 


First you must learn to release. You cannot go to the next level holding on to the things that make you stress. Though the common perception of people towards stress is negative, stress is not totally a negative emotion. In fact, stress is our body's normal response to occurences that are frightening or alarming. You have heard of the Fight or Flight theory? therefore the positive stress can enhance your mental capabilities and increase your alertness to soutions, and other levels of achievement.  So simply release and smile. It will be okay.


Once you have released on the obstacles and distractions of life... follow this:


R-ecognize: You must acknowledge that you re stressed. As I like to say you are a bit tightly wound and you are about to BLOW! Just taking a deep breath will not relieve this stress. You must recognize it it there and then recognize that it needs to be dealt with.


E-xercise: This is a good form to physically diverting your thoughts and attentions to other activity or causing them to take a back burner for a spell. More importantly exercise is a great way to relieve some of the tension and negative vibes that come from stress. You can imagine you are working out the problem as you exercise and with every blow, crunch, sit up etc... the problem is becoming smaller and smaller. 


L-etting Go: Now this is something more than releasing it. It is actually not sweating the small things in life or allowing the big things to cause you worry and fret. Once you release stop and take that deep breath and recognize  that you are stressed, you might have taken a brisk walk to clear your mind, but if you still try to work it out according to your plans or try to control something that will not be controlled. You have not let go. Letting Go is simply, understand what is in and out of your control and accepting it as such. What you can control place in one area. What you can not control place in another setting. Keeping them separated will help you keep stress lower in your life. So when looking at your problems, ask yourself this: Will this matter ten years from now? if the answer is yes... then what can you do about it today? If the answer is no. It's not worth the time you have already given it.


A-ttitude: How you go through life is what life will continue to bring you. In other words if you are negative all the time... then negative things will continue to occur. If you are positive... the the reverse is true. So take a look at your thoughts...what are you thinking and then you will know why you are experiencing negative or positive situations all the time. IF you are more negative than positive...choose to frame your thoughts in a more positive way.


X-tra Sleep (Extra Sleep): Well this is a simple and straight to the point tip. If you are not getting enough sleep, your body will function on the negative side of things. You will be more irritable, irrational, tired and slow to process strategies to avoid obstacles in your life. When your body is telling you it's needs rest, then you need to give it what it is asking for. Your body and your mind need to rest. So don't rest but continue to let your mind work on your problems. Shut down completely and reboot. You will find that you are more alert and can handle more obstacles quickly when you are well rested. Sometimes when I am too stressed I just go to bed and take a nap or go to bed earlier than normal and in the morning or after the nap I am refreshed and new ideas and solutions flow through me.

So, how do you spell relief?


Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Why Living a Life of Gratitude Can Make You Happy by Leo Babauta

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart

Many days, I try to humble myself and hold a 2-minute gratitude session. I simply sit or kneel, with no distractions, close my eyes, and think about what I’m grateful for and who I’m grateful for.

I don’t do it every day, but let me tell you, on the days I do it, it makes me very happy.

Why should that be? Why should the simple act of thinking about who and what I’m grateful for make such a big difference in my life?

Just a few reasons:

• Because it reminds you of the positive things in your life. It makes you happy about the people in your life, whether they’re loved ones or just a stranger you met who was kind to you in some ways.
• Because it turns bad things into good things. Having problems at work? Be grateful you have work. Be grateful you have challenges, and that life isn’t boring. Be grateful that you can learn from these challenges. Be thankful they make you a stronger person.
• Because it reminds you of what’s important. It’s hard to complain about the little things when you give thanks that your children are alive and healthy. It’s hard to get stressed out over paying bills when you are grateful there is a roof over your head.
• Because it reminds you to thank others. I’ll talk about this more below, but the simple act of saying “thank you” to someone can make a big difference in that person’s life. Calling them, emailing them, stopping by to say thank you … just taking that minute out of your life to tell them why you are grateful toward them is important to them. People like being appreciated for who they are and what they do. It costs you little, but makes someone else happy. And making someone else happy will make you happy.

What do I give thanks for, privately, in my little gratitude session? It varies every day. I thank all the readers of this site, for the encouragement you have given me, for the donations you’ve made that have made me that much closer to realizing my dreams, for the criticism you’ve given that has made this site better … for the time you’ve given me, just reading the articles when you have the chance.

I thank my loved ones, for all they do to me. I thank strangers who’ve shown me little acts of kindness. I thank God, for the life he’s given me. I thank people around the world for the things they’ve done to make the world better. I thank myself, for things that I’ve done (it’s important to recognize your own accomplishments).

How to Live a Life of Gratitude by Leo Babauta

The thing is, simple acts of gratitude don’t cost you much (especially once you get over the initial discomfort some people feel with thanking others). But they can make a huge difference.

If you’re interested in living a life of gratitude, here are my suggestions:

• Morning gratitude session. Take 2-3 minutes each morning to give thanks, to whoever or whatever you’re grateful for. You don’t have to do anything, other than close your eyes and silently give thanks. This one act can make a huge difference.
• Say thank you. When someone does something nice for you, however small, try to remember to say thank you. And really mean it.
• Call to say thanks. Sometimes you might think about something nice that someone did for you. Perhaps you remember during your gratitude session. When you do, pick up the phone and call the person, just to say thanks. Let them know what they did that you’re grateful for, and why you appreciate it. Takes a minute or two. If it’s too early to call, make a note to call later. Even better is telling them in person, if you happen to see them or if they’re on your route. Almost as good is a thank-you email — keep it short and sweet.
• Give thanks for “negative” things in your life. There’s always two ways to look at something. Many times we think of something as negative — it’s stressful, harmful, sad, unfortunate, difficult. But that same thing can be looked at in a more positive way. Giving thanks for those things is a great way to remind yourself that there is good in just about everything. Problems can be seen as opportunities to grow, to be creative. See the prayer below for more on this.
• Learn a gratitude prayer. There are many prayers, religious or not, that can remind you to be grateful. Find one you like, and print it out or make it your desktop wallpaper. Here’s a religious one, and here’s a collection from a multitude of religions. You can find many others on the Internet, or write your own. If you’re not religious, make one that doesn’t include the concept of God. A good one is below.

What Were You Thinking?

Our thoughts matter so much. I means jut think about it any thing that is going to happen is first a thought in our mind. the thought really does count because what you think determines what you become. Your actions are based on your thoughts. So what is the really deal behind what you are thinking?

Most of us tend to be held captive by toxic and damaging thoughts. Rather than focusing our thoughts on positive situations and good vibes, we dig out the wrong, negative and disabling thoughts. We must understand that dangers of toxic thoughts and how you can replace them with the truth of the matter.

The truth is not hard to find but it isn't easy to apply. The reason being we are more readily able to accept the toxic thoughts than the positive. To battle against your toxic thoughts, you must identify and reject them. You have to remember this the battle against your toxic thoughts is not physical. It's spiritual and emotional.

today think about what are some of the toxic thoughts in your life. Write them down and then write a new thought that is positive to combat it.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Negative vs Positive Actions

To ensure your motives are powerful and sustainable, make sure that they are in a positive form. Meaning you can focus on the negative and expect the opposite to happen. You must switch your mindset. Although negative motivations may fuel you for a little while, they quickly run out of steam, and people tend to respond poorly to them. You may really desire to get out of debt or change bad habits, or even start a healthy relationship, but those negative emotions will only drain your energy and hurt your effectiveness to make good decisions in the end. Stop focusing on what you don't want in your life and start to focus on what you DO!

Listen, Have you seen the movie Psycho. In this movie Norman Bates ultimate goal was NOT to kill the guest in his hotel, it was actually to please his mother. Now that is a positive intention right. We all want Mom's approval, however in wanting to please his mother, he thought it meant hurting others. ( Okay i admit a bit extreme, but really take heed to the comparisons). In trying to use negative emotions to get positive results we are just like Norman Bates, a mixed up and confused psychopath killing our dreams. Get it it?

With a little work, any negative action can be turned into a positive counterpart. You must think of ways to re-position your action in a positive light. Here are some examples you can try:

Instead of arguing; you could negotiate
Instead of insisting; you could compel
Instead of demanding; you could urge
Instead of tracking down; you could pursue
Instead of pushing; you could encourage


Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Can Gossip Be Positive?

When you hear the word gossip. What comes to mind. Well, if you are anything like me, you think of the negative, malicious and hateful kind. Malicious gossip can be a powerful and persuasive problem in our lives. Our society seems to thrive on it. there is actually a national effort to stamp it out...called "Words Can Heal" (http://www.wordscanheal.org). Their mission is to promote the value and practice of ethical speech in order to improve our democracy and build mutual respect,honor, and dignity in our country. (or so I have heard :)).

Recently, I took their pledge (http://www.wordscanheal.org/takethepledge.htm). It it worth sharing here. I also took steps to become more actively involved. What I saw when reading up about their organization is words DO have power. More than that we can wield that power to help others. When you go and read their pledge you will see that it underscores how powerful words are and the importance of choosing positive words to express our feelings and opinions about each other. It is very easy to gossip. I should know I have done it a few times myself.

They give a real good tip for helping you to stop negative gossip, Before you say something that may shine a dim light on someone else to bite your tongue. Yes, Literally. Bite your tongue. Your tongue will hurt and it will remind you of the pain you could have cause someone else or your own reputation. The pain from the bite will go away, but you can not take back mean, negative and spiteful words.

So then I ask again, Can gossip be positive? Yes. If you choose to only pass along the good things. If you choose to spread the positive. Let's play the What if game. What if you only said good things about your enemies, What if you began to build up your children instead of tearing them down, What if you told your husband how great he is instead of what he's doing wrong. What if you encouraged your friends and family to be better...What if you started telling yourself how far you come instead of what you cant do? What would the world look like? What would you accomplish in a day?

Let me tell you this secret, it a big task but if you and I do our part we will overcome the negative words in the word. How about it?

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group