How Come Or Why?

“What does not take me out, makes me stronger.”

Many of us say this phrase after we have come out of a trial or hardship. We tend to get a sense of empowerment from this statement. The real question here is do we truly believe this statement. Is this just one of those statement that sounds good after a period of stressful situations. What if you are still in the midst of your dilemma, can you say this phrase? Can you claim the triumph even then? Do you ask “Why” me, why did I have to suffer? Do you harbor bitterness and unforgiveness?

You see many of us are so preoccupied with the “WHY” something happen that we may never get to the “HOW COME”. With that said, the question becomes, “How come this occurred and what am I suppose to learn? Exploring this can be daunting, so here are a few tips.

You need to ask yourself what is my pain. A doctor prescribes medication because of the symptoms the patient says they are experiencing. More simply put, when you go to the doctor with a pain in your stomach, you describe it to the doctor and he does an examination. With the information you have given him and what he finds through his examination, he then prescribes a medication regiment that will allow healing to occur. Now, it is understandable that the medication itself does not heal the body but what it does do is cause the pain to subside. In the absence of your discomfort, your body can then heal itself. What a concept, the medical profession has taught us to get rid of the pain so the process of healing can happen. If you ask yourself this question, do not use other words like what is the problem or who is my problem. Stay focused on you. Moving from what is my pain to what is the problem, you are minimizing your discomfort. It is like taking an Advil for a toothache. You may feel okay for a while but eventually the pain is going to come back because you have not dealt with the real issue and no healing is occurring.

Knowing what your pain is will lead to, “Why am I stuck?” Many will try to brush past this. If you have ever had an open wound, you know that it must heal from the inside out. This process can take a while and if you are not careful, the skin will begin to close on the surface but the wound is not total healed underneath. When this occurs, you have to reopen the wound to allow the healing to take place correctly. The same is true for inner healing. You must allow the inside to be healed before it will show on the surface. No facades that will hide the festering boil underneath. Being stuck in a rut and not understanding why things happened, can only lead to repetitious behaviors. These behaviors will keep you living in misery and regret, making one bad decision after another because you have not learned how to avoid it.

This is when you have to define the how come. The “how come” is logical reasoning. The “how come” will bring the change in your behavior you have been looking for. It will help you learn the lesson life was teaching you. For instance, maybe you were in that bad situation because you needed to learn self worth. The “how come” only comes with clarity of vision and after you probe deep inside yourself.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2010 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

A Woman Healed of Life's Experiences

The one thing we need but many of us struggle to get is respect. In life, we will go through some hard times and if we are lucky, we will be able to come out on the winning side. However, what about the one that are caught in the cracks. Is there hope for the woman whose been abused (emotionally, mentally, physically or socially)? Who is there to let that woman know there is hope in her hopeless situation?


We hear so much about sisterhood yet we are set apart. We gossip about one another, steal each other's men and if we get the chance, we will ruin another reputation so we look good. Now does this sound like sisterhood?

There is a story about a woman, who as a teenager suffered being molested, verbally abused and lived in a house of raging with domestic violence. This woman grew up with anger issues and never tried to deal with them. She had relationship after relationship fail. One day she came to the realization that the life she was living was just a shadow of what could be. She did not have to live with the pain, frustration and depression. She could rise above it. She could be free. However, she knew that wit would take some restoration of her inner emotions. She would have to learn how to look at life differently, not using her own reasoning because it was skewed and fragile.

She sought help from counselors and coaches that help her see past the hurt, habits and hang-ups. She was able to start a relationship on a healthy note and those negative friends – well she was able to influence them to be more positive. This did not happen over night it only started with a single step.

The first step can be the hardest however, if you are truly ready for healing to occur in your life then you will allow this step to take place, including removing all negative and unhealthy influences in your life. Many times, it is what we allow in our lives that hinder us the most. The woman mentioned above had to deal with the past in order to maintain her present and secure her future.

We learned in history that if we do not learn from history it is bound to repeat itself. Well, this is true even in our lives. If we are not willing to learn from bad decisions, our fears, our failure and, even more importantly, our successes then we are bound to repeat them. Dr. Susan Jeffers says, “Life is not a struggle but an opportunity”. Additionally, you only get a single opportunity to make it count. Do not live with regret and remorse. Not to make light of the experiences you have been through, Nevertheless, if she can learn to let go of the pain and anger, then why not you?

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2009 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching