Thursday, May 31, 2012

The War For My Mind Series Day 4

When I first started my business about 3 years ago, I really thought that the masses would flock to me because I had the answer to their problems. They would want to do business with me because; I was going to be the best thing next to sliced bread. Well, after struggling for two years, I begun to think, who am I kidding. With a handful of clients, fighting to get paid on time and trying to stay above the whirlpool of sinking sand called bills. I was feeling a bit defeated and overwhelmed to say the least. I questioned if I was doing what I was called to do. I questioned if I had the answers for anyone including myself. I was ready to throw in the towel and go back to corporate America with my tail between my legs and my head lowered between my shoulders. As I started updating my resume, I could hear the voices of the nay-sayers, laughing and taunting me with their, "I knew she could not do it.", "I told her so", "Who did she think she was anyway, tony Robbins? John Maxwell? Silly silly little girl." 

I began to fall into depression, I did not want to eat, I slept all day, I began to not follow up on potential clients. Things were pretty bad. My dreams were slipping away and I had no desire to fight for them. I was giving up. Then I was reminded why I was doing it, a quote by Winston Churchill simply said "Never, Never, Never Give Up." This stared at me in my face on my Facebook page. I went to find this speech to read his words and I knew I could not give up. 

Day 4:

The Problem:

People will be people. They will say whatever comes to their minds. They will support you today and turn on you tomorrow. They will flatter you on Monday, curse you on Tuesday, steal from you on Wednesday, lie to you on Thursday, smile in your face on Friday, eat your food on Saturday, and pray for you on Sunday. Then the cycle repeats. The real point is this; no one can make your dreams and aspirations come true but you. However, you have to truly understand what it is you are meant to do and why.

Many times we allow others to tell us who we are and what we are capable of accomplishing. Then there is a little tiny voice on the inside of us telling us we can do more than that but we suppress that voice and settle for less. When we realize that we are not happy we sink into a giant hole of despair. 

The Solution:

1. Never Never Never Give Up
2. Understand that your dreams do make a promise that it will be easy or come naturally to you. You will have to fight for it.
3. Nothing worth having is going to just drop into your life. Look at diamonds, you have to dig for them.
4. Be careful who you share your time, energy and dreams with. There are dream killers out there in visionary clothing. Meaning, there are those that would steal your dreams to mash them and kill them but they look like those that are there to help.
5. Remove negative energy out of your personal space. Put a flowing foundation, a moving picture or something that reminds you to keep going in your work space.
6. When you think it's slipping away, remember why you are doing it. This is helpful. Have your vision written in its entirety. Have this typed out and put into a presentation that will impress you every time you see it. This should be your dream at its completion. What it will look like, feel like, who will be there, etc... See the completed picture and write it out. EVERY WORD!
7. Don't kill your own dreams. You were created (born) for this.

The Benefit:

When you can see the finish line, it is easier to stay your course. Watch a 100 meter race. The runners keep their eye on the finish line. They don't look to the left or right. They are not distracted by the crowds yelling and cheering them on. They are focused on one thing, getting to the finish line. The same is true when you have purpose and understand why you are living YOUR life.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The War For My Mind Series Day 3

I have learned an invaluable lesson: Whatever I focus on, is what I get no matter if I am wanting something different or not.  Now this simple lesson continues to teach me daily. Listen wherever we put our energy, our attention, our meaning for existence, that is what we get and that is what will start to develop. 

Try It: Think about your favorite ice cream flavor. If you done have a favorite ice cream flavor, you can use mine Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey. It has a base of creamy banana ice cream blended with walnuts and chunks of chocolate fudge. Just think about that ice cream. Think about it, that smooth creamy substance chilled just right sitting on a cone or in a bowl, maybe even a nice triple scoop banana split with the works. Can you see it? If you are like me you can even taste it and feel it sliding down your throat. mmm... how refreshing. Okay now let's get to business

Day 3:

The Problem:

When we focus on something, our thoughts will stir our desire and emotions, and we will make a decision to follow them. This is true whether it is good (positive) or bad (negative) thoughts, whether or not they will cause good or bad reactions in our lives. So it is true if we focus on negative thoughts and things we will become negative people. Destroying everything we come in contact with. We lose our joy and our lives become miserable and empty. Just to think it all started with our thoughts.

What really gets us stuck is; we don't always realize that the problems we are experiencing right now in our lives, we have created by our own stinking thinking. We have chosen to imprison ourselves by what we choose to think about. You may be experiencing depression, loss of appetite, lack of drive, discouragement, sadness, and wonder where did it come from, why do you feel this way? Examine your thoughts, you will find that you are feeding these emotions.

The Solution:

1. Examine your thoughts.
2. What do you read? What do you watch on TV, What movies? What do you listen to on the radio? All these sources can cause negative thoughts to develop.
3. Choose what you will think about.
4. Activate a grateful list. Write down everything you are grateful for in your life and focus on the positive. Even in bad situations there is something to be grateful for.
5. Each day tell the people you love the most why you love them without saying the same thing you have already said.
6. Look for the silver lining in all situations
7. Don't let anyone bring negative gossip, conversation, or bad emotions around you.

The Benefit:

When you learn to focus on the positive, you will start to see more of the positive happening in your life. You will begin to realize that life is worth living and your dreams can be achieved. If you catch yourself slipping... Laugh at yourself and start again. Tell the truth, you are still thinking about that ice cream, huh? I know, I think I will go get a scope now. :) Happy thoughts.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The War For Your Mind Series Day 2

Many of us deal with our own misconceptions of what is reality for us. We find ourselves believing lies we tell ourselves based on assumptions we have made about others. Now this is interesting because we are the same ones championing the statement, "That's why you should never assume things" or "You know what they say about assumptions"

Recently, I had a client that came to me with a need to be free of negative thoughts. They were experiencing depression and wanted to be free. The whole first month of coaching were riding them of the assumptions that were made about life, God, their family, friends and co-workers.

Day 2:

The Problem:

Many of us, if we are honest with ourselves, have thousands of assumptions running through our heads daily. We think we are not loved by family and friends, we believe that things are done intentional especially when they hurt us, we try to figure others out before they get the upper hand on us and the list goes on and on. We are a suspicious breed. We are suspicious of others and they are suspicious of us. Here's the deal, if we can convince ourselves that we are worthless, useless, and can’t do anything right it does not take a rocket scientist to know that we will never accomplish what we are trying to accomplish.

If we spend our time fighting against our creative nature, not accepting our flaws as well as our strong points, we have defeated ourselves and there is no one else to blame for that. There are other elements that get in our way too. When it comes to the way we think. We can let outside influences nibble away at our resolve. For example: Our parents always said, you will never amount to anything, or maybe someone said you were stupid, you did not have what it takes...etc. 

We allow our thoughts to build fortresses in our mind. We start to build our lives on these fortresses and they become our core values. They become what we believe more than anything else. This is why many of us will not go after our dreams, or take a risk that may cause our lives to develop in a different way.  We allow our thoughts to form our words and our words shape our actions. Our actions then rule our lives. We are in a vicious circle. No wonder we can achieve the things we keep telling ourselves we want. The things that we long for, wish for and truly desire. We have shut down our ability to create anything but what we believe we can have. Unfortunately for us, what we believe we can have is absolutely NOTHING!

The Solution:

1. Stop lying to yourself. Realize that you are not seeing things clearly
2. Make a decision today that you will only believe the truth.
3. Find out the truth of the matter. Get in connection with people that are determined to accomplish their goals and thus will inspire you to do the same.
4. Write out everything. When you see yourself writing lies. BURN them. This action will start to cause the lies to do them same in your mind. (Figuratively) When you tell yourself a lie that lie will go up in smoke just like the ones that you burned. 
5. Replace the lies with the truth. Let the truth come from everywhere, do not limit how the truth comes to you. 
6. Remember yourself often of YOUR truth.
7. Whenever you feel like you may speak a lie, make sure tell the truth instead.

The Benefit:

One of my favorite books is The Bible. In The Bible there is a scripture that speak volumes in this area. Romans 12:1-2. In short what it says is that you cannot be conformed by the way the world thinks but you have to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. This transformation will cause you to understand the plan for your life. Knowing this plan is your reasonable service. The whole point is simply this; once you can conqueror what you think you can conquer what you can do.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Monday, May 28, 2012

The War For My Mind Series Day 1

I believe that we should find inspiration from all sources. As we journey through this world, we need to understand that our thoughts, words and actions create our reality. As I think about this I am reminded of why it is important to understand how our mind functions. Over the next few days, I am going to share some life lessons with you. Don't worry, I am always growing and will not run out of valuable content to for. Let's call this...The War For My Mind.

Okay so we have best laid plans. We have planned out our life and what we will do if and when. What happens when your plans fail? What happens when you do something that you had not planned on doing? Do we just give up? I think not.

Here's how this series will work, I will talk about some tough things that I have learned and I aim to make you think about your life. More importantly I want you to think about your thoughts, your words, your actions and finally the results from all these. Then I want you to take action. It's a war for your mind and you have to be fully engaged in this war or you will lose. Ready? Let's Go

Day 1:

The Problem:

I am convinced that people don't really want to hurt each other. We don't wake up in the morning thinking, who can I hurt today? Okay well most people don't. Let's deal with the majority of the people. Sounds fair? Good. So we wake up with the intention to make the day a great one by achieving our goals and while we are at it helping our fellow humans accomplish a goal or two also. However, somehow, during the day, a decision is made and that decision requires an action and those actions bring about words and by the end of the day, we are scratching our heads wondering how that all happened.

Does this sound familiar: "how could you say that?' "How could you do that?" "What did I ever do to you to make you do this?" I am sure a few more come to your mind even now. What I have learned is even with our best laid plans, we can get side tracked and we can hurt others. Sometimes it's selfish and intentional and sometimes it's not.  We just needed someone to listen to us, someone to love us, we were missing something in our lives and saw an opportunity to get it.

What we focus on becomes a major part of our thoughts. When we start to feel empty, or in need of something, it is our human nature to seek it out. We have plans to take the family on a vacation. We start looking into spots that we will enjoy and then your wife forgets to make your dinner. Or your son does not take out the trash. Your daughter wrecks the car. Your boss decides not to give you the promotion etc... We start to focus on the changes we are experiencing. We start to feel underappreciated even misused. Maybe more small things happen, you still try to overlook them but you are becoming more aware of how much you would prefer to hang with your friends than spend time with your family. The vicious cycle is in play it ends with you having a major family brawl and the vacation gets cancelled.

Now after a time of calming, you find out there were legit reasons certain events occurred. This knowledge would have changed how you processed the actions of the others. It did not make it better but it did now make sense. You feel like a heel for jumping to conclusions but no one in your family will look you in the eye. Even though you plan a quick get away, it nothing compared to what it could have been.

The Solution:

1. Notice when you start to feel a certain way. (Empty, neglected, misunderstood, etc...)
2. Express your needs immediately
3. Listen with your heart and not your head; hear what is not being said in the midst of what is being said.
4. Step away from the problem and come back when your emotions are not raw.
5. Look for the solution that will bring peace and not just completion
6. Include all parties in the solution.
7. Never speak out of anger. There are ways to get your point across without using angry and hurtful words. Remember, this is a person that you love, respect and need.

The Benefit:

When you take a moment to understand that we can blow things out of portion when we assume what others think or mean, then it is easier for us to hear what they have to say. Conversing with others to get an understanding is always better than burning a bridge. Even though the bridge can be rebuilt, it will never be the same. This way, you preserve your relationships and you are able to stick to your plans to push forward on purpose.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Why Do We Judge The Inside by the Outside

We have heard the saying don't judge a book by it's cover however we do it anyway. Not just books though, we judge each other. IF we feel that someone can not help us because they don't look the part we will over look them and go to the one we think can help us. Interesting thing is most of the time the very one that can help you is the one you just pass by. 

We are so wrapped up in titles, big names and what we think are proven facts that we forget everyone had to start somewhere. I get it, we want results and we want to go where we feel those results can be found. However, in the scheme of things do we want results at the cost of quality. 

Let me share with you a story and hopefully this will get my point across to you more clearly. 

In 1884 a young man died, and after the funeral his grieving parents decided to establish a memorial to him. With that in mind they met with Charles Eliot, president of Harvard University. Eliot received the unpretentious couple into his office and asked what he could do. After they expressed their desire to fund a memorial, Eliot impatiently said, "Perhaps you have in mind a scholarship."
"We were thinking of something more substantial than that...perhaps a building," the woman replied. In a patronizing tone, Eliot brushed aside the idea as being too expensive and the couple departed. The next year, Eliot learned that this plain pair had gone elsewhere and established a $26 million memorial named Leland Stanford Junior University, better known today as Stanford!
Many times unassuming individuals can hold the key to what we need but we are so wrapped up in judging what we believe to be so about them that we miss it altogether. we cannot afford to let our minds play tricks on us. You can not judge a person by what you see on the outside. Listen, in some areas people love to put on the hits, meaning they can make you think they have money, wealth and answers, however, taking a closer look they are all talk and no action. Then there is the person that you see with the hole in their jeans and dirty shoes that can make the impossible happen for you. Looks can be deceiving. 

So do me a favor, the next time you start to judge a person remember this little quote from Will Smith.

 "NEVER make permanent decisions on temporary feelings." 

It could be the very person you are willing to overlook is the one person you need the most. Take a chance you just might be pleasantly surprised.

Be Empowered 
Coach Linda Hillman 
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Dealing with Negative Emotions by Lori Deschene

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr
For as long as I can remember, I have been a fugitive from my feelings.
Psychologists suggest that we are driven by two connected motivations: to feel pleasure and avoid pain. Most of us devote more energy to the latter than the former.
Instead of being proactive and making choices for our happiness, we react to things that happen in our lives, and fight or flee to minimize our pain.
Instead of deciding to end an unhealthy relationship and open up to a better one, we may stay and either avoid confrontation or initiate one to feel a sense of control. Instead of leaving a horrible job to find one we love, we may stay and complain about it all the time, trying to minimize the pain of accepting the situation as real—and enduring until we change it.
From a very young age, I felt overwhelmed by pain. As a pre-teen, I ate my feelings. As a teen, I starved them away. In college, I drank and smoked them numb. And in my twenties, I felt and cried my eyes red and raw.
I sobbed. I wailed. I shook and convulsed. And I wished I’d never chosen to feel them, but rather kept pushing them down, pretending everything was fine.
Except when I did that, they didn’t just go away—they compounded on top each other and built up until eventually I exploded, with no idea why I felt so bad.
One time when I was 17, I couldn’t open a jar of jelly. After ten minutes of twisting, banging, and fighting, I finally threw it at a wall and broke down.
You may think that was a sure sign I had emotional problems, and assume there was some pill to help anesthetize that sadness.
That’s what a lot of people thought. But the reality was a lot simpler: I simply never dealt with my feelings from events large and small, and eventually they dealt with me.
As unpleasant as it may sound, I needed to learn how to feel bad—but first I needed to understand why I felt bad so often. It’s a whole lot easier to deal with pain when it’s not the default feeling.
This, I’ve learned, comes down to three steps:
  1. Developing emotional intelligence.
  2. Learning to sit with negative feelings.
  3. Creating situations for positive feelings.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Why I Do What I Do

I love coaching! I approach every new client with enthusiasm because I know I can take them to the next level... and beyond. I know if they stick with me, they'll have what they want in life. I work with people who are looking for more fulfillment in their lives, whether it's to enhance a life that's already satisfactory, or to implement a complete lifestyle or career change. I excel in coaching people from the inside out - making the internal changes as well as the external. My unique coaching process sparks insights, increases personal power and expands my clients' ability to create what they want in a way that lasts a lifetime. 

I'm also a very practical and down-to-earth coach. I help clients organize and prioritize everything in their lives, from balancing home and work, to managing a family. And while they're getting organized, they learn how to stop procrastinating, get out of overwhelm and make time for self-care.

Just as in coaching, I have brought that same desire and passion into my writing and speaking. It's not just a career for me but it's a way to leave a great impact on this world.

Be Empowered 
Coach Linda Hillman 
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Monday, May 21, 2012

Unleash Your Power and Potential

Let me say this, the first thing you must do is change your perception. You have to stop doing things that are hindering you instead of helping you. Stop the madness!

Stop looking for things to come to you from outside sources. You have to choose to look inside of you. Stop hoping that things will change because of your job, family, status inlife, church, car etc. Many believe if they have enough stuff and the right people around me…It will come. Again, STOP the madness.

Go to the mirror; take along look and say, “Everything that I need is IN me. I must become aware of me.” You have to make a conscious and intentional choice to raise your self-awareness. Listen, who should know youbetter than YOU?

Self-Awareness is the only thing that is going to bring true joy and real success into YOUR life. Having abundance is determined and dependent on you understanding this simple, yet necessary, process.

“Experiencing an uncommon kind and quality of life for yourself requires nothing more and nothingless than ‘consciously choosing’ an inside out approach to life” - Chuck Danes

The undeniably creative and life changing principles revealed in this book consist of highly effective strategies that produce results better than external ways and means to accumulate material wealth and success.

It is proven that they'll provide more than monetary attainment which so many “feel " is going to make them happy and satisfied.

Although, the material forms of wealth are extremely more "desirable", for many, overlooking the all-important fact that the acquisition of things whether physical, financial, relational, emotional or spiritual are much simpler to acquire and experience than the vast majority "perceive."

Few understand and decide to do what the majority will not do. They experience phenomenal results in life, simply because they “DO” something outside of the normal and mundane. They dare to be aware.

Understand this, physical activity is not the beginning nor is it the end of the process as many would believe. Just because you are “Doing” things does not ensure you are going to be successful and attain your dreams.

Be Empowered 
Coach Linda Hillman 
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Friday, May 18, 2012

Empowerment: What Is It?

Many use the term empowerment without understanding what it really means. A literature review resulted in no clear definition of the concept, especially one that could cross-disciplinary lines. This article defines empowerment as a multi-dimensional social process that helps people gain control over their own lives. It is a process that fosters power in people for use in their own lives, their communities and in their society, by acting on issues they define as important. The Connecticut People Empowering People program uses this definition to connect research, theory, and practice. 

For many, empowerment is the goal we have for our programs and the volunteers, participants, or clients with whom we work. But what is empowerment? How can we recognize it? Evaluate it? Talk about it with others who are interested in empowerment? Our recent literature review of articles indicating a focus on empowerment, across several scholarly and practical disciplines, resulted in no clear definition of the concept across disciplinary lines. Many using the term cope with its lack of clear, shared meaning by employing the concept very narrowly, using only their specific scholarly discipline or program to inform them. Others do not define the term at all. As a result, many have come to view "empowerment" as nothing more than the most recently popular buzz word to be thrown in to make sure old programs get new funding.

We maintain that empowerment is much more than that. Empowerment is a process that challenges our assumptions about the way things are and can be. It challenges our basic assumptions about power, helping, achieving, and succeeding. To begin to demystify the concept of empowerment, we need to understand the concept broadly in order to be clear about how and why we narrow our focus of empowerment for specific programs and projects (specific dimension or level, etc.) and to allow discussion of empowerment across disciplinary and practice lines. Understanding empowerment became a critical issue for us as we grappled with the task of sharing the People Empowering People (PEP) program with Extension faculty across the country.

Understanding Power
At the core of the concept of empowerment is the idea of power. The possibility of empowerment depends on two things. First, empowerment requires that power can change. If power cannot change, if it is inherent in positions or people, then empowerment is not possible, nor is empowerment conceivable in any meaningful way. In other words, if power can change, then empowerment is possible. Second, the concept of empowerment depends upon the idea that power can expand. This second point reflects our common experiences of power rather than how we think about power. To clarify these points, we first discuss what we mean by power.

Power is often related to our ability to make others do what we want, regardless of their own wishes or interests (Weber, 1946). Traditional social science emphasizes power as influence and control, often treating power as a commodity or structure divorced from human action (Lips, 1991). Conceived in this way, power can be viewed as unchanging or unchangeable. Weber (1946) gives us a key word beyond this limitation by recognizing that power exists within the context of a relationship between people or things. Power does not exist in isolation nor is it inherent in individuals. By implication, since power is created in relationships, power and power relationships can change. Empowerment as a process of change, then, becomes a meaningful concept.

A brief exercise makes the importance of this discussion clear. Quickly, list three words that immediately come to mind when you hear the word power. For most people, words that come to mind when we think about power often revolve around control and domination. Focusing on these aspects of power limit our ability to understand and define empowerment.

The concept of empowerment also depends upon power that can expand, our second stated requirement. Understanding power as zero-sum, as something that you get at my expense, cuts most of us off from power. A zero-sum conception of power means that power will remain in the hands of the powerful unless they give it up. Although this is certainly one way that power can be experienced, it neglects the way power will remain in the hands of the powerful unless they give it up. Although this is certainly one way that power is experienced, it neglects the way power is experienced in most interactions. Another brief exercise highlights the importance of a definition of power that includes expansion. Answer the question; "Have you ever felt powerful?" Was it at someone's expense? Was it with someone else?

Grounded in an understanding that power will be seen and understood differently by people who inhabit various positions in power structures (Lukes, 199 4), contemporary research on power has opened new perspectives that reflect aspects of power that are not zero-sum, but are shared. Feminists (Miller, 1976; Starhawk, 1987), members of grassroots organizations (Bookman & Morgen, 1984), racial and ethnic groups (Nicola-McLaughlin & Chandler, 1984), and even individuals in families bring into focus another aspect of power, one that is characterized by collaboration, sharing and mutuality (Kreisberg, 1992).

Researchers and practitioners call this aspect of power "relational power"(Lappe & DuBois, 1994), generative power (Korten, 1987), "integrative power," and "power with" (Kreisberg, 1992).This aspect means that gaining power actually strengthens the power of others rather than diminishing it such as occurs with domination/power. Kreisberg has suggested that power defined as "the capacity to implement" (Kreisberg, 1992:57) is broad enough to allow power to mean domination, authority, influence, and shared power or "power with." It is this definition of power, as a process that occurs in relationships, that gives us the possibility of empowerment.

Understanding Empowerment
Empowerment is a construct shared by many disciplines and arenas: community development, psychology, education, economics, and studies of social movements and organizations, among others. How empowerment is understood varies among these perspectives. In recent empowerment literature, the meaning of the term empowerment is often assumed rather than explained or defined. Rappoport (1984) has noted that it is easy to define empowerment by its absence but difficult to define in action as it takes on different forms in different people and contexts. Even defining the concept is subject to debate. Zimmerman (1984) has stated that asserting a single definition of empowerment may make attempts to achieve it formulaic or prescription-like, contradicting the very concept of empowerment.

A common understanding of empowerment is necessary, however, to allow us to know empowerment when we see it in people with whom we are working, and for program evaluation. According to Bailey (1992), how we precisely define empowerment within our projects and programs will depend upon the specific people and context involved.

As a general definition, however, we suggest that empowerment is a multi-dimensional social process that helps people gain control over their own lives. It is a process that fosters power (that is, the capacity to implement) in people, for use in their own lives, their communities, and in their society, by acting on issues that they define as important.

We suggest that three components of our definition are basic to any understanding of empowerment. Empowerment is multi-dimensional, social, and a process. It is multi-dimensional in that it occurs within sociological, psychological, economic, and other dimensions. Empowerment also occurs at various levels, such as individual, group, and community. Empowerment, by definition, is a social process, since it occurs in relationship to others. Empowerment is a process that is similar to a path or journey, one that develops as we work through it. Other aspects of empowerment may vary according to the specific context and people involved, but these remain constant. In addition, one important implication of this definition of empowerment is that the individual and community are fundamentally connected.

Nanette Page
Former Connecticut PEP Facilitator
Flint, Michigan
Cheryl E. Czuba
Extension Educator, Community Development, Families
University of Connecticut Cooperative Extension System
Haddam, Connecticut
Internet address:

Thursday, May 17, 2012

How To Get A Raise on Your Job!

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?  
Boss: Sure, come on in.   What can I do for you?
Employee:  Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss:  Yes. 
Employee:  I won't beat around the bush.   Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss:  A raise?   I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time. 
Employee:  I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.
Boss:  Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time.  How does that sound? 
Employee:  Great!   It's a deal!   Thank you, sir!
Boss:  Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you? 
Employee:  Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!

Sometimes you just have to ask for what you want and stop thinking that they don't want to do it. I thought this was a funny but realistic look at a simple problem being resolved quickly.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

How Do You Spell Relief?

How do you spell relief? Well in the 1970's there was a commercial that was famous. How do you spell relief? R-O-L-A-I-D-S. I can still hear it running in my head, I even believe a few times in school I might have even spelled relief as a spelling word as ROLAIDS. LOL. Well, Now that I have grown up I no longer  spell relief as Rolaids. But I still need to experience relief for the many symptons of stress in my life. So How do you spell relief?

We all experience stress in one form of the other. Our muscles tense, our faces become hard and stern, our bodies get worn out and our minds unravel and fray. What is Stress? Merriam-Webster defines it as a constraining force or influence as a physical, chemical or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and can lead to the development of specific disease conditions. To put it mildly constant exposure to high levels of stress can be extremely toxic to your system. Being constantly stressed can cause you to be temperamental, ineffective in your work, business and relationships, and not to mention, just plain miserable with your life. So I have research a way to deal with stress and want to share it with you. I came across an acronym and started applying to it my life but I have added another piece part because I believe it enhances the results. 

First you must learn to release. You cannot go to the next level holding on to the things that make you stress. Though the common perception of people towards stress is negative, stress is not totally a negative emotion. In fact, stress is our body's normal response to occurences that are frightening or alarming. You have heard of the Fight or Flight theory? therefore the positive stress can enhance your mental capabilities and increase your alertness to soutions, and other levels of achievement.  So simply release and smile. It will be okay.

Once you have released on the obstacles and distractions of life... follow this:

R-ecognize: You must acknowledge that you re stressed. As I like to say you are a bit tightly wound and you are about to BLOW! Just taking a deep breath will not relieve this stress. You must recognize it it there and then recognize that it needs to be dealt with.

E-xercise: This is a good form to physically diverting your thoughts and attentions to other activity or causing them to take a back burner for a spell. More importantly exercise is a great way to relieve some of the tension and negative vibes that come from stress. You can imagine you are working out the problem as you exercise and with every blow, crunch, sit up etc... the problem is becoming smaller and smaller. 

L-etting Go: Now this is something more than releasing it. It is actually not sweating the small things in life or allowing the big things to cause you worry and fret. Once you release stop and take that deep breath and recognize  that you are stressed, you might have taken a brisk walk to clear your mind, but if you still try to work it out according to your plans or try to control something that will not be controlled. You have not let go. Letting Go is simply, understand what is in and out of your control and accepting it as such. What you can control place in one area. What you can not control place in another setting. Keeping them separated will help you keep stress lower in your life. So when looking at your problems, ask yourself this: Will this matter ten years from now? if the answer is yes... then what can you do about it today? If the answer is no. It's not worth the time you have already given it.

A-ttitude: How you go through life is what life will continue to bring you. In other words if you are negative all the time... then negative things will continue to occur. If you are positive... the the reverse is true. So take a look at your thoughts...what are you thinking and then you will know why you are experiencing negative or positive situations all the time. IF you are more negative than positive...choose to frame your thoughts in a more positive way.

X-tra Sleep (Extra Sleep): Well this is a simple and straight to the point tip. If you are not getting enough sleep, your body will function on the negative side of things. You will be more irritable, irrational, tired and slow to process strategies to avoid obstacles in your life. When your body is telling you it's needs rest, then you need to give it what it is asking for. Your body and your mind need to rest. So don't rest but continue to let your mind work on your problems. Shut down completely and reboot. You will find that you are more alert and can handle more obstacles quickly when you are well rested. Sometimes when I am too stressed I just go to bed and take a nap or go to bed earlier than normal and in the morning or after the nap I am refreshed and new ideas and solutions flow through me.

So, how do you spell relief?

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Keep Believing and HOLD On!

Have you ever has someone tell you just keep believing and hold on, it will happen. Sometimes you just want to take that person by the shoulders and shake them. Right? I mean you know that but what you are experiencing right now makes you feel your world is falling out from under your feet.

For many people storms of life can shake us and cause us to lose focus. In these times what we want most is someone to truly understand the sinking feeling in our gut. However, no matter how much we want to wallow in our pity for the failures of life that happen while we are trying to achieve that silver lining, we must never lose sight of the reward. You have a dream, a vision and no matter what going on in your life today, tomorrow does not look like this.

In these times this is what I do to help keep me on track.

1. I close my eyes and see the dream/vision again.
2. I write in my journal any new things that stand out to me.
3. I go to my mirror and repeat the vision to myself until my tears start to dry and a smile appears on my face.
4. I make a new list of things to do and I begin on a new project. Sometimes a fresh look at an old problem will help you overcome obstacles that seemed to be getting the better of you.
5. I find someone who believe in the dream and let them tell me how they know I can do it. This is important because you will find that they have a more accurate report of your status because they are looking from a different angle than you.
6. I remember that I am just a servant and that what my dream/vision will accomplish will not only help me but there are many hundred, even thousands that will benefit from it.
7. Here's a free tip :) I don't wallow in self pity more than an hour. When you let discouragement settle in your mind it works against you and it may take days, months and even years to recover. So don't let it get it's grips on you.

So now go out there and conquer your journey.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Monday, May 14, 2012

I Am So Amazed That You Are Still Here!!!

Now this is not what you think. I am not saying that I am amazed that people are reading my blogs more and more each day. Although I am very grateful. I am amazed at how many women especially are still in the same spot as they were...weeks, months, years ago. I have to ask myself, WHY?

Well, here's the real deal. We want to change. I believe that but we are operating in fear. Someone, somewhere told us our dreams are not available to us. The hard thing to swallow I think is that we somehow believe what they said. Maybe it was a parent when we were still very impressible to outside influences. Others might have a teacher that intimidated us, or some other authority figure. Many of us have surrounded ourselves with people who are what I call dream killers. They cant see you attaining your dream and they remind you of this daily. No wonder we have not move forward.

Take  A deep breath... There is hope still... It's time to move forward.

First you must understand that a decision has to be made about the people in your life. You must take inventory of those that you choose to share your life and dreams with. Not everyone, including family, friends and loved ones, can handle the dream that is birthed in your spirit. You can see yourself operating at a level that is no where near where you are now. That is a good thing. If you were already living your dream it would not be a dream. right? Right!

Now second you must come to grip that your dream will not happen overnight. There is no over night success and no free opportunities. Everything must and should cost you something. Yes, you heard me. Be willing to put the work in to get what is yours. Believe me when you fight for it and work toward it, you will appreciate and cherish it more. So stop complaining about it being hard... Did you really want it to be easy to attain? Think about it. If something is easy, then everyone will do it. Those that make it to the top travel the road that has few travelers on it.

Breath deeper...It's going to get better...Keep moving.

Lastly, you must be willing to press through the hard times and understand that the process to realize your dream is not made of all great days. There will be some set backs, some starts and stops. There will be times you want to cry...Who Am I kidding...YOU will cry. It just part of the process. Listen to me, once you are focused on the end result... you will be thankful for the hard days. Believe me.  Remember this, in the times when things are hard for you and you want to throw in the towel, say this to yourself. "It's darkest before the dawn." Meaning your breakthrough, your release, your journey may be coming to an end if you just persevere through.

It's your journey and no one can tell you what it should look like.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Friday, May 11, 2012

Introducing Jaime Fleming Dixon...

New inspirational book shows women how to live their most fabulous lives

ANDERSON, S.C. -- For four years through her blog, ForColoredGurls.comauthor Jamie Fleming-Dixon has written and shared articles that inspire and empower women to live their most fabulous lives. In her new book, How
to Change Your Mindset and Live Your Most Fabulous Life, she gives women practical tips for creating a more positive mindset, which will enable them to live the lives of their dreams.

Serving as an inspirational guide that helps women create and live the lives they want, this quick read gives tips and guidance so they can begin to live the lives they'’ve always desired. 

Jamie'’s motivation to write the book stems from For Colored Gurls' tagline, Live your most Fabulous life's”. Her goal through the site is to assist women in living the lives they dream of, so she wrote the book to show them how to do just that. 

"“I want women to know that having the life they'’ve always wanted is possible, and I want to show them practical ways to create a positive mindset so they can actually build the lives they desire,"” she said. 

Topics covered in How to Change Your Mindset and Live Your Most Fabulous Life include:
  • Determining your purpose in life
  • Getting rid of limiting beliefs
  • Developing a positive mindset and attitude
  • Setting and achieving goals
The book is currently available in e-book format and will be released in print on May 15, 2012. For more information about How to Change Your Mindset and Live Your Most Fabulous Life, visit

Dreamer. Lover of life. Goal getter. These are just a few words to describe Jamie Fleming-Dixon, author, inspirational writer and blogger and fabulous female entrepreneur. She is founder and publisher of For Colored Gurls, a blog that inspires and empowers women to live their most  Fabulous lives and owner of Mocha Writer, a copywriting and content creation service specializing in copy editing. To get inspiration and motivation for every area of you life, visit

Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group  is proud to partner with For Colored Gurls and Jaime Fleming-Dixon to promote her new book and blog. Please join us on July 13th at 3:30 PM PST when I will interview her on Http:// 

Thursday, May 10, 2012

This One Thing I Know

Many people have a dream, an aspiration, a goal. Especially those in business for themselves. they did not go into business to close up shop a month later. No I am sure just like me they wanted to build a thriving business and be celebrated by those close to them. this is not always the case.  Many times those closest to you are the hard critics you will come across in life. Does that mean you stop pushing forward, Absolutely not! It means you have to be your own cheerleader and motivate yourself to keep going.

Say this, "How can expect others to believe in me, if I don't believe in myself." It's just that simple. If you believe then others will believe also. IF you invest in you then others will invest in you also. I remember I was told by a very wise man, if you give then others will give because they follow your example.

So now you are trying to achieve your goals and you are running into obstacles and feeling discouraged. Well This one thing I know for sure, when you are at your lowest, that's when you must not quit. Remember this it always is darkest before dawn and the storm is the worst right before it going to stop. Just hang on in there and you will see the breakthrough you are looking for. Whether it is in building a business, a relationships, studying in school, trying something new for the first time or whatever it may be... it's not a dead end for you. If you look closely you will see the silver lining in the clouds of despair.

There is a process that we all go through and if we go through the process without losing sight of our goal we will see that it was all worth the journey. The good and the bad of it. So here's the process:

1. The conception of a dream - You have to see a vision of something, so you can express what it will look like when it is completed.
2. Then comes Discouragement - This discouragement can come from within and without. Most likely it will be from those you love and hope would support you.
3. Then you get distracted - Distractions comes from all sources. It can be a job, family, school, hobbies, TV etc... What is distracting you from achieving the dream. If it is a distraction you will know it. this is not to say forsake all others but you know what you do when you should be working on the dream.
4. Then due to long periods of Distractions you become Distress - Distress is a sign that things need to change. You are doing things for not. It's the being busy to say you are doing something but you are not seeing a ROI. you are operating out of fear and desperation. STOP it now.
5. Then there is Discomfort - Your distress has put you in place where you now have to re-evaluate what you are doing and what is important. You must revisit your core values and start to make adjustments. It's stepping out of your comfort zone and learning and trying new things.
6. After you start to remove the discomfort you will begin to experience Discovery - Discovery comes when you are moving past what you know and understand and living in a realm of the unknown, therefore everything is new and you must explore all your options.
7. Discovery leads to the Dawning of a new life - after you discover that the process is necessary in order to see the realization of your dream, you will welcome the previous steps and understand that embracing those steps leads to a dawning of a new life, the life you have dreamed about.

Let the process happen and don't fight it. this 1 thing I know you will not regret it in the end.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Why Living a Life of Gratitude Can Make You Happy by Leo Babauta

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart
Many days, I try to humble myself and hold a 2-minute gratitude session. I simply sit or kneel, with no distractions, close my eyes, and think about what I’m grateful for and who I’m grateful for.
I don’t do it every day, but let me tell you, on the days I do it, it makes me very happy.
Why should that be? Why should the simple act of thinking about who and what I’m grateful for make such a big difference in my life?
Just a few reasons:
  • Because it reminds you of the positive things in your life. It makes you happy about the people in your life, whether they’re loved ones or just a stranger you met who was kind to you in some ways.
  • Because it turns bad things into good things. Having problems at work? Be grateful you have work. Be grateful you have challenges, and that life isn’t boring. Be grateful that you can learn from these challenges. Be thankful they make you a stronger person.
  • Because it reminds you of what’s important. It’s hard to complain about the little things when you give thanks that your children are alive and healthy. It’s hard to get stressed out over paying bills when you are grateful there is a roof over your head.
  • Because it reminds you to thank others. I’ll talk about this more below, but the simple act of saying “thank you” to someone can make a big difference in that person’s life. Calling them, emailing them, stopping by to say thank you … just taking that minute out of your life to tell them why you are grateful toward them is important to them. People like being appreciated for who they are and what they do. It costs you little, but makes someone else happy. And making someone else happy will make you happy.
What do I give thanks for, privately, in my little gratitude session? It varies every day. I thank all the readers of this site, for the encouragement you have given me, for the donations you’ve made that have made me that much closer to realizing my dreams, for the criticism you’ve given that has made this site better … for the time you’ve given me, just reading the articles when you have the chance.
I thank my loved ones, for all they do to me. I thank strangers who’ve shown me little acts of kindness. I thank God, for the life he’s given me. I thank people around the world for the things they’ve done to make the world better. I thank myself, for things that I’ve done (it’s important to recognize your own accomplishments).