The Power of People Skills

Many of us, believe the old adage; "It's not what you know but who you know" however more than that, as Narshad L. Warfield states in Unleash The Winner Within You, "it's not what you know, or who you know but who wants to know you!"

It is important to remember that relationships around and the unassuming person standing next to you might be your ticket to the next level in your dream. they may be the very key.We sometimes miss out because we don't know them or they don't seem to be influential. There are people that I know that have spoken more wisdom in my life than those of  "importance". Now I am not saying that you should not cherish those who have arrived and experience success in their areas of expertise. What I am saying is this, don't discount anyone.You may never know if the person you are snubbing your nose at is the on person that will affect radical change in your life.

In the Bible it talks about entertaining strangers because you never know if one is an angel. What I know about angels is there to work for you or against you. I am sure it's would be based on how you treat them. I am not a trusting person, however, I am learning to use discernment when it comes to people. Some may seem useless to you but in actuality they are very needed. Some may talk a good game and have no use to you at all. Nonetheless no one should be discarded and pushed aside.

Developing people skills is important. Learn how to say thank you, please and take the time to truly hear what is being said in conversation. Here is a few other tips from Narshad Warfield:

1. Greet People with a warm smile and firm handshake
2. Introduce yourself and ask people their name.
3. Ask where they are from.
4. Ask about their family.
5. Ask about their pets.
6. Ask about their profession.
7. Ask where they have been
8. Ask about their hobbies/interests.
9. Ask people what they think.

I remember another old adage; treat people the way you want to be treated. If you feel that people overlook your potential, is it because you have overlooked someone else? Just a thought. Go out and make new friends and build genuine relationships. Remember you don't become successful by yourself. It's a group effort. Smile!

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Moving Beyond the Dream

The one thing that I have grown to understand in this life is you must have a "why". Without the understanding of your "why" it is impossible to get to the "How". Your dream is a vision. You have to see the end result before you can see the manifestation of it. Your "why" is what keeps you going when things seem to be too difficult.

Your dream is your purpose. It's just that simple. My motto for my business and my life is see the invisible, achieve the impossible. Until you are able to move beyond your dream and start to see things happen. I was reading Unleash the Winner Within You and one of the chapters was written by Cyrenius Forh Jr entitled Moving Beyond Your Dream, I wanted to share some of his tips with you.

In order for you to move pass the dreaming stage, you must:

Write It Down
I agree with this because until you write it down you cannot begin to truly see it. I would say write in down in vivid color. This will help you start to see, feel, touch, taste and smell your success. You will understand the path you will take to make it happen.

Speak Life Into Your Dreams
Many of us never truly realize the dreams that we have because of the simple fact that if we write it down, we allow ourselves and others to speak death. We doubt our ability to get the job done and when things are not going well, we can be talked  off the ledge. Meaning we simple can be talked out of our dreams. Recently I saw the movie, Man on the Ledge and it helped me to realize that if you believe in something yu must be willing to get on the ledge and take your stand. It does not matter who thinks it's impossible and that you are crazy. It matters what you believe.

You Must R.E.A.D.
In Cy's chapter he talks about Research, Engage, Ask, Devote. It is important that you know your stuff, I mean truly think about it who wants to be in business with someone who is making  an educated guess based on assumptions. Take the risk because you have done the research and know your topic inside and out. there should not be any question that you cant answer about what you are trying to accomplish and I would add this you should be able to quote the failures as well s the success quicker than anyone else. When you can talk about it with he best of them, you will find that their doubts are released. Be engaged in all aspects of your business/education/personal development. Whatever your dream you should know about events that will help you achieve it, people that are doing already and be enthusiastic about all outcomes. Ask questions often. Understanding your dream and applying knowledge is crucial to moving your dream forward and getting beyond just the dream stage. Finally, Devote all your discipline and continuous growth to your dream and it's fulfillment. Remember Les Brown said, "In order to become something you have never been, you have to  do things you have never done."

Have a G.O. Plan
GO stands for Get Organized. You must have a plan to get organized and move forward. this may mean that you have to look at relationships, hobbies, books you read, TV shows you watch, etc  to make sure that you are not allowing thoughts and attitudes that are contrary to where you are trying to go in your life but you must also put things in it's proper place. Time management is key in your GO plan.

When it is all said and done you must be ready to move beyond your dreaming stage and put action to it. It's time to live the life that you have dreamed of. It's up to you.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Unleash Your Power and Potential

Let me say this, the first thing you must do is change your perception. You have to stop doing things that are hindering you instead of helping you. Stop the madness!

Stop looking for things to come to you from outside sources. You have to choose to look inside of you. Stop hoping that things will change because of your job, family, status inlife, church, car etc. Many believe if they have enough stuff and the right people around me…It will come. Again, STOP the madness.

Go to the mirror; take along look and say, “Everything that I need is IN me. I must become aware of me.” You have to make a conscious and intentional choice to raise your self-awareness. Listen, who should know youbetter than YOU?

Self-Awareness is the only thing that is going to bring true joy and real success into YOUR life. Having abundance is determined and dependent on you understanding this simple, yet necessary, process.

“Experiencing an uncommon kind and quality of life for yourself requires nothing more and nothingless than ‘consciously choosing’ an inside out approach to life” - Chuck Danes

The undeniably creative and life changing principles revealed in this book consist of highly effective strategies that produce results better than external ways and means to accumulate material wealth and success.

It is proven that they'll provide more than monetary attainment which so many “feel " is going to make them happy and satisfied.

Although, the material forms of wealth are extremely more "desirable", for many, overlooking the all-important fact that the acquisition of things whether physical, financial, relational, emotional or spiritual are much simpler to acquire and experience than the vast majority "perceive."

Few understand and decide to do what the majority will not do. They experience phenomenal results in life, simply because they “DO” something outside of the normal and mundane. They dare to be aware.

Understand this, physical activity is not the beginning nor is it the end of the process as many would believe. Just because you are “Doing” things does not ensure you are going to be successful and attain your dreams.


Be Empowered 
Coach Linda Hillman 
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Empowerment: What Is It?

Many use the term empowerment without understanding what it really means. A literature review resulted in no clear definition of the concept, especially one that could cross-disciplinary lines. This article defines empowerment as a multi-dimensional social process that helps people gain control over their own lives. It is a process that fosters power in people for use in their own lives, their communities and in their society, by acting on issues they define as important. The Connecticut People Empowering People program uses this definition to connect research, theory, and practice. 

For many, empowerment is the goal we have for our programs and the volunteers, participants, or clients with whom we work. But what is empowerment? How can we recognize it? Evaluate it? Talk about it with others who are interested in empowerment? Our recent literature review of articles indicating a focus on empowerment, across several scholarly and practical disciplines, resulted in no clear definition of the concept across disciplinary lines. Many using the term cope with its lack of clear, shared meaning by employing the concept very narrowly, using only their specific scholarly discipline or program to inform them. Others do not define the term at all. As a result, many have come to view "empowerment" as nothing more than the most recently popular buzz word to be thrown in to make sure old programs get new funding.

We maintain that empowerment is much more than that. Empowerment is a process that challenges our assumptions about the way things are and can be. It challenges our basic assumptions about power, helping, achieving, and succeeding. To begin to demystify the concept of empowerment, we need to understand the concept broadly in order to be clear about how and why we narrow our focus of empowerment for specific programs and projects (specific dimension or level, etc.) and to allow discussion of empowerment across disciplinary and practice lines. Understanding empowerment became a critical issue for us as we grappled with the task of sharing the People Empowering People (PEP) program with Extension faculty across the country.

Understanding Power

At the core of the concept of empowerment is the idea of power. The possibility of empowerment depends on two things. First, empowerment requires that power can change. If power cannot change, if it is inherent in positions or people, then empowerment is not possible, nor is empowerment conceivable in any meaningful way. In other words, if power can change, then empowerment is possible. Second, the concept of empowerment depends upon the idea that power can expand. This second point reflects our common experiences of power rather than how we think about power. To clarify these points, we first discuss what we mean by power.

Power is often related to our ability to make others do what we want, regardless of their own wishes or interests (Weber, 1946). Traditional social science emphasizes power as influence and control, often treating power as a commodity or structure divorced from human action (Lips, 1991). Conceived in this way, power can be viewed as unchanging or unchangeable. Weber (1946) gives us a key word beyond this limitation by recognizing that power exists within the context of a relationship between people or things. Power does not exist in isolation nor is it inherent in individuals. By implication, since power is created in relationships, power and power relationships can change. Empowerment as a process of change, then, becomes a meaningful concept.

A brief exercise makes the importance of this discussion clear. Quickly, list three words that immediately come to mind when you hear the word power. For most people, words that come to mind when we think about power often revolve around control and domination. Focusing on these aspects of power limit our ability to understand and define empowerment.

The concept of empowerment also depends upon power that can expand, our second stated requirement. Understanding power as zero-sum, as something that you get at my expense, cuts most of us off from power. A zero-sum conception of power means that power will remain in the hands of the powerful unless they give it up. Although this is certainly one way that power can be experienced, it neglects the way power will remain in the hands of the powerful unless they give it up. Although this is certainly one way that power is experienced, it neglects the way power is experienced in most interactions. Another brief exercise highlights the importance of a definition of power that includes expansion. Answer the question; "Have you ever felt powerful?" Was it at someone's expense? Was it with someone else?

Grounded in an understanding that power will be seen and understood differently by people who inhabit various positions in power structures (Lukes, 199 4), contemporary research on power has opened new perspectives that reflect aspects of power that are not zero-sum, but are shared. Feminists (Miller, 1976; Starhawk, 1987), members of grassroots organizations (Bookman & Morgen, 1984), racial and ethnic groups (Nicola-McLaughlin & Chandler, 1984), and even individuals in families bring into focus another aspect of power, one that is characterized by collaboration, sharing and mutuality (Kreisberg, 1992).

Researchers and practitioners call this aspect of power "relational power"(Lappe & DuBois, 1994), generative power (Korten, 1987), "integrative power," and "power with" (Kreisberg, 1992).This aspect means that gaining power actually strengthens the power of others rather than diminishing it such as occurs with domination/power. Kreisberg has suggested that power defined as "the capacity to implement" (Kreisberg, 1992:57) is broad enough to allow power to mean domination, authority, influence, and shared power or "power with." It is this definition of power, as a process that occurs in relationships, that gives us the possibility of empowerment.

Understanding Empowerment

Empowerment is a construct shared by many disciplines and arenas: community development, psychology, education, economics, and studies of social movements and organizations, among others. How empowerment is understood varies among these perspectives. In recent empowerment literature, the meaning of the term empowerment is often assumed rather than explained or defined. Rappoport (1984) has noted that it is easy to define empowerment by its absence but difficult to define in action as it takes on different forms in different people and contexts. Even defining the concept is subject to debate. Zimmerman (1984) has stated that asserting a single definition of empowerment may make attempts to achieve it formulaic or prescription-like, contradicting the very concept of empowerment.

A common understanding of empowerment is necessary, however, to allow us to know empowerment when we see it in people with whom we are working, and for program evaluation. According to Bailey (1992), how we precisely define empowerment within our projects and programs will depend upon the specific people and context involved.

As a general definition, however, we suggest that empowerment is a multi-dimensional social process that helps people gain control over their own lives. It is a process that fosters power (that is, the capacity to implement) in people, for use in their own lives, their communities, and in their society, by acting on issues that they define as important.

We suggest that three components of our definition are basic to any understanding of empowerment. Empowerment is multi-dimensional, social, and a process. It is multi-dimensional in that it occurs within sociological, psychological, economic, and other dimensions. Empowerment also occurs at various levels, such as individual, group, and community. Empowerment, by definition, is a social process, since it occurs in relationship to others. Empowerment is a process that is similar to a path or journey, one that develops as we work through it. Other aspects of empowerment may vary according to the specific context and people involved, but these remain constant. In addition, one important implication of this definition of empowerment is that the individual and community are fundamentally connected.

Nanette Page
Former Connecticut PEP Facilitator
Flint, Michigan

Cheryl E. Czuba
Extension Educator, Community Development, Families
University of Connecticut Cooperative Extension System
Haddam, Connecticut
Internet address: cczuba@canr1.cag.uconn.edu

Color Your Destiny

WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS; THEY BECOME YOUR WORDS.

WATCH YOUR WORDS; THEY BECOME YOUR ACTIONS.

WATCH YOUR ACTIONS; THEY BECOME YOUR HABITS.

WATCH YOUR HABITS; THEY BECOME YOUR CHARACTER.

WATCH YOUR CHARACTER, FOR IT WILL BECOME YOUR DESTINY.

- Frank Outlaw 

This is a famous quote and many of us will agree with the sentiment of the quote. However, we forget that they are more than one way to view our lives. We have options. We can decide to see the glass half full or half empty. It's our choice.

What I really want you think about today is:

1. Understand YOU as an Individual and as a Member of Diverse Local and Global Communities
2. Identify thoughts and feelings and how they relate to your concept of YOU

If you get an opportunity take a moment to download a free copy of Peter Klein's "The Go-Getter" on the Kindle or look for a copy of "Who Moved My Cheese" by Spencer Johnson. Both of these books will give you a different way of viewing what you say you want. They will help you see that when you take the time to understand what it is you want, you will stop at nothing to get it done. Even impossible situations can be overcome by changing your thoughts.

After reading these books, I want you to get a sheet of paper, draw three lines and then get some glue, toothpaste or other liquid. I want you to trace the lines with the liquid and let it sit for 30 seconds. After it has set, try to put the liquid back in the original container. Then take a moment to journal about your experience. Mainly, I want you to journal about the reality that sinks into your mind about how you present who you are and what you want to the world. 

How do you want the world to view you. It's your time now to color your destiny.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group