Featured Guest - Jaime Fleming Dixon How to Change Your Mindset

1. Tell us about you.

I am an entrepreneur (owner of Mocha Writer, LLC), founder of For Colored Gurls, a personal development blog that inspires and empowers women to live their most Fabulous lives. I'm also an author, Fab Life strategist and someone who loves life and lives on purpose.

2. How did you come up with the title for your book?

The motto of For Colored Gurls is “live your most Fabulous life,” and while the blog provides articles on different topics to help women do that, I thought, 'Why not show people, step by step, how they can actually start creating their most Fabulous lives?' After I thought about it more, I realized that before you can start living your most fabulous life, you first have to create a positive mindset. So, that's when I put the two concepts together for the title.

3. Who will benefit from reading your book?

While the book mainly targets women who are in transition or who need a positive change in their lives, I definitely think that anyone who wants to change their lives for the better can benefit from it.

4. What is the one thing people should walk away with having read your book?

They should walk away with practical and simple steps that will help them create the more positive mindset that will enable them to live the lives they desire.

5. What is one thing you would like to say to our readers today?

You absolutely can have the life you desire. If you believe in yourself and God, anything is possible!

Moving Beyond the Dream

The one thing that I have grown to understand in this life is you must have a "why". Without the understanding of your "why" it is impossible to get to the "How". Your dream is a vision. You have to see the end result before you can see the manifestation of it. Your "why" is what keeps you going when things seem to be too difficult.

Your dream is your purpose. It's just that simple. My motto for my business and my life is see the invisible, achieve the impossible. Until you are able to move beyond your dream and start to see things happen. I was reading Unleash the Winner Within You and one of the chapters was written by Cyrenius Forh Jr entitled Moving Beyond Your Dream, I wanted to share some of his tips with you.

In order for you to move pass the dreaming stage, you must:

Write It Down
I agree with this because until you write it down you cannot begin to truly see it. I would say write in down in vivid color. This will help you start to see, feel, touch, taste and smell your success. You will understand the path you will take to make it happen.

Speak Life Into Your Dreams
Many of us never truly realize the dreams that we have because of the simple fact that if we write it down, we allow ourselves and others to speak death. We doubt our ability to get the job done and when things are not going well, we can be talked  off the ledge. Meaning we simple can be talked out of our dreams. Recently I saw the movie, Man on the Ledge and it helped me to realize that if you believe in something yu must be willing to get on the ledge and take your stand. It does not matter who thinks it's impossible and that you are crazy. It matters what you believe.

You Must R.E.A.D.
In Cy's chapter he talks about Research, Engage, Ask, Devote. It is important that you know your stuff, I mean truly think about it who wants to be in business with someone who is making  an educated guess based on assumptions. Take the risk because you have done the research and know your topic inside and out. there should not be any question that you cant answer about what you are trying to accomplish and I would add this you should be able to quote the failures as well s the success quicker than anyone else. When you can talk about it with he best of them, you will find that their doubts are released. Be engaged in all aspects of your business/education/personal development. Whatever your dream you should know about events that will help you achieve it, people that are doing already and be enthusiastic about all outcomes. Ask questions often. Understanding your dream and applying knowledge is crucial to moving your dream forward and getting beyond just the dream stage. Finally, Devote all your discipline and continuous growth to your dream and it's fulfillment. Remember Les Brown said, "In order to become something you have never been, you have to  do things you have never done."

Have a G.O. Plan
GO stands for Get Organized. You must have a plan to get organized and move forward. this may mean that you have to look at relationships, hobbies, books you read, TV shows you watch, etc  to make sure that you are not allowing thoughts and attitudes that are contrary to where you are trying to go in your life but you must also put things in it's proper place. Time management is key in your GO plan.

When it is all said and done you must be ready to move beyond your dreaming stage and put action to it. It's time to live the life that you have dreamed of. It's up to you.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

The War For My Mind Series Day 4

When I first started my business about 3 years ago, I really thought that the masses would flock to me because I had the answer to their problems. They would want to do business with me because; I was going to be the best thing next to sliced bread. Well, after struggling for two years, I begun to think, who am I kidding. With a handful of clients, fighting to get paid on time and trying to stay above the whirlpool of sinking sand called bills. I was feeling a bit defeated and overwhelmed to say the least. I questioned if I was doing what I was called to do. I questioned if I had the answers for anyone including myself. I was ready to throw in the towel and go back to corporate America with my tail between my legs and my head lowered between my shoulders. As I started updating my resume, I could hear the voices of the nay-sayers, laughing and taunting me with their, "I knew she could not do it.", "I told her so", "Who did she think she was anyway, tony Robbins? John Maxwell? Silly silly little girl." 

I began to fall into depression, I did not want to eat, I slept all day, I began to not follow up on potential clients. Things were pretty bad. My dreams were slipping away and I had no desire to fight for them. I was giving up. Then I was reminded why I was doing it, a quote by Winston Churchill simply said "Never, Never, Never Give Up." This stared at me in my face on my Facebook page. I went to find this speech to read his words and I knew I could not give up. 

Day 4:

The Problem:

People will be people. They will say whatever comes to their minds. They will support you today and turn on you tomorrow. They will flatter you on Monday, curse you on Tuesday, steal from you on Wednesday, lie to you on Thursday, smile in your face on Friday, eat your food on Saturday, and pray for you on Sunday. Then the cycle repeats. The real point is this; no one can make your dreams and aspirations come true but you. However, you have to truly understand what it is you are meant to do and why.

Many times we allow others to tell us who we are and what we are capable of accomplishing. Then there is a little tiny voice on the inside of us telling us we can do more than that but we suppress that voice and settle for less. When we realize that we are not happy we sink into a giant hole of despair. 

The Solution:

1. Never Never Never Give Up

2. Understand that your dreams do make a promise that it will be easy or come naturally to you. You will have to fight for it.

3. Nothing worth having is going to just drop into your life. Look at diamonds, you have to dig for them.

4. Be careful who you share your time, energy and dreams with. There are dream killers out there in visionary clothing. Meaning, there are those that would steal your dreams to mash them and kill them but they look like those that are there to help.

5. Remove negative energy out of your personal space. Put a flowing foundation, a moving picture or something that reminds you to keep going in your work space.

6. When you think it's slipping away, remember why you are doing it. This is helpful. Have your vision written in its entirety. Have this typed out and put into a presentation that will impress you every time you see it. This should be your dream at its completion. What it will look like, feel like, who will be there, etc... See the completed picture and write it out. EVERY WORD!

7. Don't kill your own dreams. You were created (born) for this.

The Benefit:

When you can see the finish line, it is easier to stay your course. Watch a 100 meter race. The runners keep their eye on the finish line. They don't look to the left or right. They are not distracted by the crowds yelling and cheering them on. They are focused on one thing, getting to the finish line. The same is true when you have purpose and understand why you are living YOUR life.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Your Role Vs Role Playing

Don't confuse your role in destiny as a role that you play in life. This is not a role-playing assignment. This is the defining nature of who you are and why you are here. So what is the difference. Let me explain it this way.

Role-playing allows you to take a look at different scenarios. You get to see how it would look as others would see it. Role-playing gets you on the hot seat with others watching your techniques and taking notes on how they can be better, or snickering at how bad you are doing. Role playing shows how you are representing who you say you are to others and it's your way of convincing yourself that this is how the world sees you. For the most part role playing is good in a classroom setting but it is not very helpful in life.

Your role in your own destiny is very important. If you don't show up strong and know exactly how to make it work, your will set yourself up for a hard knock on the noggin. In role Playing you can get a do-over. In life, well let's just say you only get one shot.

Look at it this way, in role-playing you get to be what you think is expected of you, what you imagine would be the best scenario outcome in any given situation. In Your real life role, you don't get to know what the variables are, you don't get to know the end result and the best techniques to use to get it done. You have to know who you are and be ready to take whatever comes your way head on.

So remember, it's good to know how to role-play but it's better to understand your role and be willing to be the best you can be at all times.


Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Start Where You Are And Have A Plan In Mind

Many people ask me, "Why transformation coaching?" My answer is simple and not so simple. So I will try to explain it this way. Transformation coaching to me is something so much more than just a change in thoughts. It's more than just a change in actions. It's a life shift. However, you can not shift properly until you understand where you are right now, how you got there and why you must change now.

Now this may sound simple enough, however, we are creatures of habits. Many times we are are worst enemy. We will self sabotage and are really proud to do so. Many may be saying no this is not true... So let's look at it this way. When was the last time you tried to stop smoking? When was the last time you tried to change your hairstyle? Change your eating habits? I mean just think about it, have you ever tried to get up earlier to go workout? or stop drinking soda? What happened. Or better yet, did you make that change overnight or without difficulty. Nine times out of ten, the answer is no. You had to work at it. Maybe, you were able to make a change for a few days, weeks but eventually you found yourself drifting right back to your old habit. Once you recognized this, you did one or two things. You started again or you gave up.

The one thing that I know is true, we have a remarkable sense of WANT. We know what we want and many times we understand what it will take to get what we want. the problem is... we just don't want to do what it takes. On the other hand, we will go after what we want and lose sight of what we need. this is a recipe for failure. Now failure is a good thing, IF we learn from it and we don't allow it to stop us. there is a failure that I call stupidity failure. this failure causes us to become insane. You know, do the same things over and over again expecting different results, because as quiet as it is kept, we are good at it. So there is a sense of I am successful at getting this result, why would I want to change and get something different.

I know, no one will admit this. No one will say that they are comfortable settling for less than what they truly want but we do it all day long. We hear there might be a better way and we invest in this new better way but we do it the same way we did the last strategy and we get the same results and then we blame the new strategy and say it did not work for us. We are satisfied. Let' s just be real, for a moment. It's okay... recognizing that you may have this stupidity failure at some level is a start. Now you are ready for real transformation.

Listen, we are all uniquely made to be successful and to achieve greatness. It must start with understanding that who we are today, is setting us up for who we will become tomorrow. We must make plans now to make our future exactly what it should be by learning how to deal with the here and now. transformation coaching, helps you see what the picture of your life looks like now and how you can make the necessary changes that will transform your thoughts, actions and your future. transformation can not take place without a plan. A plan to be WHO you were created to be and to rewire your life to make the right decisions to keep you moving forward. When you are transformed you are not the same, nothing about you is the same their my be slight traces of who you were before the transformation but it is clear to you and those around you that you are no longer that person.

So there, that is why transformation coaching is my passion and why I have decided to not only help others transform but to continue my own transformation. Will you join me?

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Pain Is Good For Causing Change

Today, I am chewing the cud, as the saying goes. I am reflecting on a message I heard on March 25, 2012. I was at a women's day service and my friend Overseer Renee Winston was the main speaker. Her Message was to inspire the women and men there to be sanctified and whole. I found many life principles in what she was saying. Not only could these principles be applied to my spiritual journey but I could see how my business could benefit from it too. So I share with you what I learn for life, business and my spiritual well being.

Now many of you may think this will not apply to you, however, I assure you, don't miss this one. Life principles are like laws. It does not matter if you believe them or not they are true and they will affect you. So please feel free to take some note.  My disclaimer in all fairness I will refer to the bible and scriptures used in this message and I may use some Christian terms, but don't let that stop you from seeing the logic behind it.

So my reflection is this. She spoke about Jacob. Jacob was the third person in the Patriarch for the Hebrews and Christians alike. We have heard people refer to the statement The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. However, Jacob's name was "he who supplants". In other words, he was a deceiver. A bit of history, he was born holding on the heel of his twin brother Esau. He bribed Esau out of his birthright and with the help of his mother, he stole the blessing that should have gone to Esau because he was the oldest. Esau sought to kill him for this. He fled for his life. Now in Genesis 32:24-26 We find Jacob on his way back to his home land with a family and the living he had made while away. to know more about Jacob and his life you can read about him in Genesis beginning at the 25th chapter to see all that he did.

Now he is returning and He knows the Esau will want to kill him and he is afraid. He goes to pray and during this time a man comes. That is where Genesis 32:25-26 picks up. So Jacob wrestles with this man and the famous saying, "I will not let thee go, except thou bless me."  (Finish thought)

Now here's what I learned and why I think it is important to share with you today. Jacob was wrestling with this man. We know it to be an angel but he did not know that at the time. I'm sure, Jacob just knew I have to fight for what it is that I want. I want my family to be safe, I want to live, I want to enjoy all that I have created for myself in peace. I am not sure what this man has to do with it but I am not willing to give up until I have accomplished my goal.

So here it:

1. Jacob had dreams and desires. From the beginning of his life he was always trying to get ahead. He did this "by any means necessary." He did not see stealing, cheating, deceiving as a bad thing. However, even though he went through some tough situations, Jacob began to see that he needed to be focused and have some direction in his life. If we are not focused on what we want we will accept anything that comes our way. Jacob was deceived by his future father in law when it came to marry his wife. however, Jacob demanded that he marry Rachel. She was who he wanted. What have you made a demand for. What are you telling life to surrender to you because you have worked for it. You paid your dues, now you want your reward.

2.  As he began to have a family, he understood that he needed to reconnect with his own family and teach them the ways of his culture. Heading back home, he realized that he would have to make some things right before he could move forward. Many times in life we forget to go back and rebuild our foundation. We have cracks from bad decisions and mistakes made but we plow right ahead with no understanding of how they will affect us in the future. Even a house will fall on a bad foundation if it is not repaired.

3. Now faced with a huge decision that could cause Jacob his life. He chooses to seek wisdom and guidance from the source that knows all. He prays and while he is praying a man interrupts him. Jacob begins to wrestle with this man,  not for a minute or two but all night long. It is interesting that My friend Renee said that he had to wrestle with himself, his pride, his worry, his doubt, his will, his fear etc.. this had to be worked out so He could repair the foundation and continue on the path to becoming the third person in the patriarch. Sometimes who we are today, is not who we are to be tomorrow. Our thoughts, our behaviors, our actions have to change in order for us to be who we are created to be. To walk in our destiny and do it with purpose. this was true for Jacob, and it is true for you and me.

4. The man seeing that daybreak is coming and he needs to leave, touches the hallow of Jacob's thigh. This caused  Jacob excruciating pain, however, Jacob does not let the man go. This is where the famous statement comes in. He held the man captive if you will. He knew that I need a way out of my situation and you must be here to help me. So here's the deal,  in spite of what you are faced with today, if you wrestle with your fears, your doubts, your negative thoughts... you will start to see more clearer. the answer you have been waiting for will reveal itself to you. We are are worst enemy when it comes to accomplishing our goals. It is our beliefs that we cant do it that hinder us from attaining the reward we seek. Be like Jacob and not allow anyone even yourself stop you from achieving your destiny. It's important to note that midst the hard times you may be facing, this is just a pit stop for you. this is not where you will end up.

5. When the man sees his determination, he then does what Jacob has asked, He blesses him for his efforts. He changes Jacob's name from "one who supplants" (Jacob) to "one who God judges" (Israel). There is another translation of the name Israel to mean the one who struggles with god and prevails and God strives or perseveres. If you look at any of these meaning you get the picture. You must struggle with your own will to overcome and understand the destiny that lies ahead of you. The point being that this is not where things ends for you. you must push passed the pain of the current situation, the frustration of the unknown, the negative thoughts and preserve to your destiny. Jacob could not be known after this as the same ole guy. He needed to not only change his name but his actions. He was becoming someone who would shape a nation. He could no longer think of himself.

So in conclusion, what does all this mean to you. Your dreams, desires, plans, and aspiration have a right to live. however, you may go through some life changes before you can see the good  of the land. Just keep telling yourself, I will not let go until I am blessed with the knowledge of how to bring it about. It may mean changing what you call your life's journey. It may be changing who you are today to be suit who you will become tomorrow. Whatever it may require of you, be willing to struggle through the pain and understand that you will never be the same but your purpose will carry you to your destiny.


Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

How To Set Up Core Values

Many clients come to me and they are lost. They have no direction or they have just had some major things happen in life and now they are rattled. they need to feel significant and in touch with themselves. They want to accomplish some great things but they are afraid to make it happen.

Here's what I do for them when this is the case.  I ask them. Where do you want to be in five years? once i get their answer, I ask where do you feel you are right now? It never fails that there is a gap between where they are not and where they want to be in five years.  I continue with other questions to get them talking about the pain of their current situation, why they believe they are stuck an what they will do to get unstuck. the simple answer is they have to define their core values.

So here's a simple exercise to help you, You will need about 20 minutes to do this exercise to really benefit from it.

• Look at list of values. I have a list that I can email you if you need some guidance on what the list should look like. It can be daunting to come up with your own list, especially since many values can seem abstract. I would say look for list that can provide you with options you may have not considered. These list should resonate in your heart and define your lifestyle. Once you find your list or lists, you want to choose as many values as you deem necessary there is no limit. they should be ones you embrace and emulate currently. We are not looking to the future on this exercise. Just the present and they should not be based on things you use to embrace. 
• Brainstorm a list of potential values.  now it is time to narrow down the values you have selected. No worries, we are getting to the core values, remember? So that means we have to start chipping away at the fluff. So look at the values you have selected. Start to really think about the people in your life and you interact with. These are the people that will be affected the most by your core values. For example: being a mom, wife, teacher, leader, friend, sister, mentor, business owner, employee, manager etc.. these relationships will be defined by your core values. How do you spend your time? Look through your checkbook what do you spend your money on? What are your favorite activities to do?
• Take a deep breath, you are doing great. No matter how many values are still on your page after chipping away some of the fluff, you still have some more chipping to do. I want to choose only ten core values that just seem to resonate with you more than the others. this will be hardest part and many of clients are grateful to do this segment with me. Sometimes it's hard to decide, but you must ask the hard questions at this point. Simply, do I really hold this close to my heart and use it to guide me in my decision making process? Also ask yourself; Does this define how I spend my money? Does it define how I sped my time? Does it define how I interact with others? Does it define where I will work, go to school or go to church? These questions can be helpful too. I also suggest that if you need more time for this segment of the exercise take it. Ask family and friends to help you by sharing what they think you value.
• Now that you have the ten core values, you are going to define each one.  Use a dictionary if needed, but I say write a definition that speaks to your soul. In other words, how will you know that that core value is defining your actions. What will it look like to you and to those around you.
• Last, you are going to prioritize your core values. Now this is really where the rubber meets the road. If you have done the above then you have ten core values that all tug and pull on your heart strings. They all cause you to want to be a better you, to connect with your inner self. To smile from within. they all have significant meaning to you. However, all that said, still some values will be more important to you than others. It is important for you to understand which one you hold in higher regard than the next. This will come into play when you have a tough decision to make about spending money, time, energy as well as help you work through conflicts.  Once you have prioritized all ten, notice and commit to the top 3-5 values. 

For more help on core values, contact me at 209-910-4055 or set up a strategy session. 

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Get Focused Now, Stop playing with your Future!

Okay, we are now in April. Many of us have set up New Year Resolutions and many of us are not even on the path to seeing them resolved. Well, enough is enough. Here's an exercise that I came across on WordPress.com that I thought I would share. Now I must admit, you can just read this blog and still be in the same position you are in now, or you can read, do the exercise, and make a change now. It's up to you.

Many people feel they don't need someone telling them to accomplish their goals but they complain when things are not happening. Shame on you. Take it from me, you got to do something. So this exercise will help you start now making tomorrow a better day. It's time you get focused.

Here's the exercise:

You will need a pen, three sheets of paper, and a quiet place. Ready?

1. On a clean sheet of paper draw a circle in the middle on the page. This circle should be big enough to write the word ME in the middle of it. WordPress says draw a stick figure. Either way is okay. Once you have done that just start writing whatever comes to your mind when you think about your future. That's right any and everything that comes to your mind. DON'T restrict it in any way. Give yourself only sixty seconds to do this. Ready, Set, GO!

2. Now, get another sheet of clean paper, draw the same circle or stick figure. On this sheet of paper you are going to write the things you are passionate about when it comes to your future. Here you are going to consider your obsessions, natural talents, knowledge base, experiences, skills, Things that get you out of the bed in the morning, things you smile about, things you love, things you promised yourself, things that keep you up at night, favorite quotes, websites, TV shows, personalities, and YES, those New Year's resolutions still at bay, You are writing down the things you find yourself gravitating to time and time again. Most importantly the things you would do even if you did not get paid to them. Got it? Good, Again only give yourself 60 seconds. So, Ready, Set, GO!

3. On the last sheet of clean paper, you are going to list all that things that came to mind on the first sheet. I would say do this in a table like format. Meaning across the page make a column for each one. then next you are going to look at your second page and start to categorize the things you are passionate about under the correct column. Give yourself 120 seconds for this next part. Based on the columns that have formed, you are going to set some goals to accomplish in the next 30 days. Ready, Set, GO!

Now you should see patterns beginning to develop, you should start to see things clearer. If not, here's the next step, you need to revisit your core values and set up a life plan for your life. In my next blog I will talk more about this. It's time you stop playing with the idea of being a person of purpose and do something about it. Get focused today.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Learning to Say Yes and No in Life

Two important words we learn as a young child are yes and no. We learn at an early age that if you like something say yes and if you don't say no. However, as we grow up to an adult we start to learn that it is not that simple. I ask you, why not?

It's your obligation to say yes to all ideas that will encourage, bless, heal, inspire and motivate you to live a better and more productive life. It's your responsibility to accept only eternal truths; and to use spiritual concepts in your life as a guidance on this journey. However the same is true for saying no. We must say no to all teachings, thoughts, creeds and dogmas that inhibit, restrict and instill fear into our minds. To put it simply, we must say yes to the joys of life and no to anything that does not bring joy.

Many people just want to be happy. That is not a bad thing to ask for but more than happiness, we need to experience joy. Joy is something that can not be taken away with material gain or loss. As you make a daily habit of realizing these truths, you'll develop a radiant personality and create a channel for all good things to flow to you.

Many times we will say yes or no out of fear of the unknown, however, external events and circumstances are not causative. Meaning negative or positive conditions dont create other conditions. The primary cause - that which forms your destiny - is your thoughts and feelings or mental attitude. When we speak a yes or no we are speaking it based on these factors. Many times, we are trying to please external sources and our inner self is screaming the opposite. Whether you say Yes or No, it should be based on what is best for your growth. Therefore, decree that Infinite Wisdom and Intelligence reveal to you the solution. It's okay to take a moment before you speak to inquire what is best. Don't be afraid to say yes, even to something that seems uncomfortable as long as it bring a inner peace and joy. More importantly, cultivate saying no to anything that brings worry, stress, doubt, ill will or feelings.

It is important that you understand your destiny, and you answer according to it. Not everyone is on the same path as you and many will try to derail you so they can get to their destination. It is necessary for you to be steadfast and unmovable when it comes to finishing your journey. Remember destiny is the destination and purpose is the vehicle that will get you there the quickest. Do everything ON purpose and remember saying yes to wisdom and no to folly is always best.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

The Fear of Rejection, Can It Be Overcome?

Many suffer from the fear of rejection. In my recent studying for my new Tele-seminar series "Fear Is Not An Option" I took a close look at why we allow this fear to operate and many times stop us from moving forward in life.

It begins with the social conditioning that stands between two people when they first meet. We are taught to not speak to strangers. We are taught that we should judge certain factors before we trust another individuals. In most cases this keeps us from being "had" however, when it comes to us stepping out of our comfort zone and doing something a bit different than we have in the past. This actually becomes a hindrance to us.

We know that people will look at us as we approach them, and they will begin a process that includes all five senses and their intuition. This collaboration of the senses and our human intention is deeply embedded in us and has been crafted by social conditioning. this is where the saying, "First impressions are the lasting ones."

Let me back up a bit and then push forward, When we first meet someone we will extend our hand in a hearty handshake. Have you ever asked yourself why we do that? Well, in African cultures a raised-palm greeting and our own American culture of a handshake has survived as evidence to show the intended that we do not have a weapon or harbor evil intent in our hearts against them. In other words, we are extending our-self to them in a friendly gesture, with hopes that our gesture is returned. This is a primitive example but think about it. If they do not accept our greeting, or in most cases our handshake. We have been rejected.

So the first impression holds a great deal in whether one is rejected or accepted. When you are approaching someone, (whether business or personal) they are watching your body language. They are looking at what you have on, they are listening to your voice tone, how you take your steps, and again your handshake. Not to mention any smells that you carry. So we take in all this data and then we measure it against what we have learned to look for in someone who is successful, honest, and trustworthy.

There was a study done by Albert Mehrabian of UCLA several years ago that stated that communication effectiveness is 55% dependent on body language. What this tells me is that lasting impressions are formed without a word being uttered by you. So, how do you overcome this dilemma?

First, you should remember this keep it simple and keep it natural. You only have 60 seconds to make a good impression and you do not want to waste it. Secondly, you are there to make a connection. If you really want to get my attention, know something about me and connect with me on a personal level.

If you have not already, signed up for my Tele-Seminar Series, "Fear is Not an Option" you may want to do that now. there are some many more tips on this subject that I would love to share with you.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

How to Discover Your True Path By Lisa Pertrilli

A few days ago I came across this blog and thought I would share it with my readers. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I did.


Coach Linda Hillman

Here's the blog by Lisa Petrilli:

"We were all moved, and many of us shaken, by the loss of Steve Jobs last week.  He inspired us with his vision, his passion for his work and his creative genius.  We cheered him when he battled back from being fired at Apple.  We so badly wanted him to win his ultimate battle with his unrelenting foe.

In reflecting on his life and his beliefs, many of us watched the 2005 Commencement Speech Steve Jobs gave at Stanford University.  What stood out most to me are two, beautiful messages:

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

and

Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads off the well-worn path.  And that will make all the difference.

Steve Jobs is imploring these graduates to discover their True Path in life.  It’s a quest I’ve been on myself, lately, and I’ve discovered twelve critical lessons that I’ve decided to share in the hope they will prove valuable to you…

1. Look within yourself

This was the biggest surprise of all and the most valuable lesson.  All the answers to the questions of who you are meant to be in this world - and what you are meant to bring to this world – lie within you.  You simply have to know where to look and be open to listening to your own guidance from within.

I have learned the critical importance of spending quiet time each morning being still, quieting my mind, and being open to what my heart wants to tell me.  It’s how I connect to my True Self, and it enables me to lead from within as I move through each day.

Connecting with your inner self, your True Self, is the first and most important step to finding your True Path in life.

When we leave childhood behind we often leave behind our own sense of self.  We become sensitive to what other people think and to what they want us to be.  We may lose our own sense of self-expression, playfulness, and our ability to “let go” and feel a real sense of freedom.  In doing so we slip off our True Path without even knowing it.

Reconnecting with who we are within – who we are in our central core, in our soul – is the only way back to our True Path.

2. Ask courageously for what you need and want in your life

I know how difficult this can be.  You see, I had to ask for a kidney.  When I opened up my heart to believing in my own worthiness to make such a bold request of the universe, and to the possibility of actually receiving a kidney, a woman whom I had never met called me on the phone.  She told me she knew in her heart that if she was a match, she was meant to give me hers.

The courage to ask for what you need, and the sense of worthiness to ask for what you most desire, are critical ingredients to finding your True Path.

3. Accept that there is an inner light within you with power beyond your understanding

We all have a life force within us. You alone have the power to take this brilliant life force to the world.  As a leader, this is a true gift. It should be used wisely and to its greatest potential for the good of the world, and for the benefit of those you lead.

This was truly one of the most important and inherently powerful realizations on my journey.

4. Connect with and accept the beauty of your physical body

We humans spend a lot of time telling ourselves what’s wrong with our physical bodies, sometimes to the point of feeling disdain.  When we do this, we completely disconnect from our true selves and deny the most essential life gift we’ve received.  Discovering your True Path involves accepting and loving everything about your True Self, including the body through which you travel your path.

5. Let go of everything that is holding you back

Letting go can be so difficult, even as it seems so obvious. We hold onto our walls and our fears, sometimes because they’ve simply become comfortable.  We’re not quite sure how we’ll function without them.

You hear this often in regard to people who need to lose weight; they lose the weight only to find themselves uncomfortable psychologically because they have grown accustomed to their mindset of being overweight.  They haven’t closed the door on their old mindset in order to open a new door to the new path they are traveling.

You have to let go of what holds you back to create the freedom to move forward toward your True Path.

6. Stop lamenting and choose to move forward

Again, this may seem so obvious yet it’s easy to spend years and even decades lamenting the past rather than choosing to move forward.  There is a time and place to lament, but to find and travel your True Path you must consciously choose to begin moving forward.

Have you chosen to do so?

7. Observe, don’t absorb

I wrote an entire post on the power of these three words to change your whole outlook, but the gist is this:

We are faced with so much uncertainty, fear and stress in our world today.  Our success, and to a great degree our well-being, depend on being observers rather than absorbers.

If we absorb the uncertainty, fear and stress – particularly the fear and stress of other people – we lose our own sense of self, and we get easily knocked off of our True Path.

Although this is one of the most difficult steps in the True Path journey, it is one of the most critical.  Why?  Because we will always be around people and situations that have negative energy.  Always.  It is just a reality of our lives and of the world.

Those who live their True Path learn how not to take the uncertainty, fear and stress of others along with them…

8. Let go of what’s not on your path

Just as you don’t want to take the negative energy of others and of the world with you on your True Path, you have to come to terms with what you personally have to leave behind as well.

This was horribly difficult for me.  I had to finally accept that because of my kidney transplant and other factors in my life, I had to let go of the idea that some things I wanted were still ahead of me.  They aren’t. They are simply not on my True Path.  A part of me already knew this, but I hadn’t accepted it or worked through it until my recent journey.

Taking the time to mourn what’s not on your True Path with you is critical to moving confidently forward down the path.

9. Remember Abundance Comes From Within

Abundance lives within you and has expansive energy.

Remember as you come face-to-face with “lack” on your journey that it comes from “without” and is not nearly as powerful.

It is the fear of lack that fuels the lack, gives it energy and power, and creates a psychologically debilitating cycle.  When you are in fear it is very difficult to feel balanced, and virtually impossible to travel your True Path.

10. Open yourself up to receiving abundance

It may surprise you, but many of us block abundance from coming into our lives by surrounding ourselves with a fear of “lack.” That fear serves as a wall that actually keeps the abundance at bay.  Read that sentence again because it can literally change your life if you genuinely acknowledge it.

You have to let go of the fear, and you have to let go of the ways you hold onto that fear, in order to fully open yourself up to abundance!

11. Commit to staying in the present moment

You probably never thought of it this way but it is in the present moment that you hold and can wield all of your power.  You have absolutely no power over the past and the only power you have over the future is to affect it in the present.

The present is where your power exists, where doors open, and where your True Path unfurls.

Only in the present moment can you “be the change you want to see in the world,” as Gandhi instructed. If you are not living immersed in the present moment, then you are not living from your own strength and power.

When you are thoughtfully and energetically present with those around you, and when you give the gift of your presence and your energy that come from your inner self, you become more highly attuned to the moments when you stray from – or move closer to – your True Path.

12. Honor yourself

Ultimately, everything about the journey to discover your True Path comes back to honoring yourself.

Honor who you are in every moment, every single time.

Be mindful of the words you use.  When you put words out into the universe you give them power to be true. Honor yourself by speaking and thinking in ways that are true to who you are and to the brilliant light and power within you.

Honor yourself by doing the work to free yourself of what’s holding you back, by starting anew connected to your True Self, and by living on your True Path!

Wishing you all the best of life as you travel your own True Path…"

Lisa Petrilli is Chief Executive Officer of C-Level Strategies, Inc., Chief Operating and Marketing Officer for the To Be a Woman global platform, and Chief Relationship Officer for CEO Connection.  She is passionate about visionary leadership.

Color Your Destiny

WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS; THEY BECOME YOUR WORDS.

WATCH YOUR WORDS; THEY BECOME YOUR ACTIONS.

WATCH YOUR ACTIONS; THEY BECOME YOUR HABITS.

WATCH YOUR HABITS; THEY BECOME YOUR CHARACTER.

WATCH YOUR CHARACTER, FOR IT WILL BECOME YOUR DESTINY.

- Frank Outlaw 

This is a famous quote and many of us will agree with the sentiment of the quote. However, we forget that they are more than one way to view our lives. We have options. We can decide to see the glass half full or half empty. It's our choice.

What I really want you think about today is:

1. Understand YOU as an Individual and as a Member of Diverse Local and Global Communities
2. Identify thoughts and feelings and how they relate to your concept of YOU

If you get an opportunity take a moment to download a free copy of Peter Klein's "The Go-Getter" on the Kindle or look for a copy of "Who Moved My Cheese" by Spencer Johnson. Both of these books will give you a different way of viewing what you say you want. They will help you see that when you take the time to understand what it is you want, you will stop at nothing to get it done. Even impossible situations can be overcome by changing your thoughts.

After reading these books, I want you to get a sheet of paper, draw three lines and then get some glue, toothpaste or other liquid. I want you to trace the lines with the liquid and let it sit for 30 seconds. After it has set, try to put the liquid back in the original container. Then take a moment to journal about your experience. Mainly, I want you to journal about the reality that sinks into your mind about how you present who you are and what you want to the world. 

How do you want the world to view you. It's your time now to color your destiny.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Saying Goodbye Too Soon - RIP Whitney Houston

RIP Whitney, You will be missed. The many songs you gave that underline the soundtrack of my life will always keep you near and dear to my heart. I will always love you!

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

How To Feast On Healthy And Delicious Relationships—And Protect Yourself From Poisonous People By Martha Beck

The Company You Keep

As soon as you could bring your baby hands to your mouth, you instinctively began tasting everything you could reach, learning which substances tasted poisonous, which were tasty. You were born also with a set of analogous social instincts. As a child, you clearly felt people's affect on you. Some made you feel happy and safe; others scared or repelled you.

Unfortunately, you were soon taught to override your instincts. "Give me a kiss!" adults may have insisted. "Share your toys with little Chris! Be nice!" Bit by bit, you learned not to pull away from poisonous people. Now you may voluntarily interact with people who leave you feeling wounded, betrayed, or confused. You need to re-learn your instincts for keeping toxic people at bay and attracting nourishing relationships. You'll need two skills: Screening and boundary-setting.

1. Screening People

This is the mental equivalent of a baby's taste-testing. Whenever you sense someone is lying, hostile, or unsafe, you feel a set of subtle psychological signals that can best be described with one simple word: "Ick!" Safe, supportive people create an inner "Yum!" Their company makes you feel healthier and stronger.

To use your screening instincts, ask yourself, "How do I feel after being with this individual?" (Don't ask how you feel when you're with the person—social triggers override instincts while you're in someone's presence.) The "aftertaste" is your best screening mechanism. Use it to help set boundaries appropriate to your instinctive perceptions.

2. Setting Boundaries

Picture yourself at the center of infinite concentric circles. Someone in the ring next to you can touch you any time. People several circles out can talk to you, but not touch you. Those who are, say, 50 circles from the center have to shout for you to hear them.

Now think of someone you know. Call this person X. Imagine X standing in the circle next to you. If you feel an "Ick!" and want to physically pull back, X is too close. Move X back a circle—or two, or three, or 20—until the "Ick!" subsides. If you feel yourself wanting to lean forward toward X, you've gone too far. 

3. Find the distance that feels balanced.

This distance is a rough indication of how much you instinctively trust each person. Keep it in mind when deciding how much time and information you spend with them. If you must spend time with a person you mistrust or dislike, be polite but private. Don't leave your center circle by offering to do things for them or by attacking them. Simply don't engage.

4. The Nourishing Life

Screening and boundary setting may not seem "nice" to your social mind, but they're the best steps you can take to surround yourself with people who nourish you while relegating toxic people to a distance where they can't poison you. They'll make your social life healthy and delicious. You knew that when you were born. Reclaim your true nature and know it again.

Life coach Martha Beck is a columnist for O, The Oprah Magazine and best-selling author of Finding Your Own North Star and Expecting Adam. Her latest book is Steering by Starlight.

Dream It! Think It! Work It! Achieve It!

 "Your life's journey is about becoming more of who you are." - Oprah Winfrey

I was watching an episode of Master Class on the Oprah Winfrey Network and it highlighted Jane Fonda. Now, I would not suggest that Jane Fonda is a motivational speaker, however, many of the things she said resonated with me as far as being an entrepreneur and a woman trying to find my own way.


She made a statement about an affirmation about something that she thought she could not do, acting, changed her life and she found her focus. She found the very thing that would cause her to want to get up in the morning and live her best life.

Many of us have dreams and those dreams seem to be out of reach for us now. Maybe like Jane we think we are too fat, too ugly, uninteresting and forgotten. All it really takes is one person to see you for what is on the inside of you. On the inside screaming clawing to get out and make it's mark. Why not dream it now. See what is really possible for your life and go after it.

Once it becomes a dream, you will start to live, breath and think it. It will take over your conscious thought. It will become an obsession. You will have to start thinking of ways to make it happen. If you understand what it is that you love, your passion will cause you to form a plan to achieve it.

Once that plan is made clear to you, work it! I like to say if you work the plan the plan will work. If you put all your efforts into the achievement of your dream, your dream will gladly surrender itself to you. It will yield to you all the fruits of your labor and more.

Once you have achieved your dream, dream again!


Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

The Five Questions of Transition

1. What is MY pain?

If you’re in a situation that requires change, don’t ask yourself what is your problem is — that’s not emotional enough. Ask yourself, “What is my pain?” NOT what the pain is; ask yourself what MY pain is. What is my pain in THIS situation? If you are candid, clear and intentional; an answer will come. It may even surprise you. Be honest and probe your mind. What is MY pain? Number two,

2. What is the resolution?

I emphasize “THE” What is the resolution? Not my resolution or my solution. Make sure you have a clear understanding of the word resolution, if you must look it up to refresh your mind. You may not know what your resolution is, but you know that there is a resolution to your pain. You just have to look around, and you’ll find it, which we’ll get to in detail during question four. What is the resolution? So first ask yourself, what is my pain? What do I want to move away from? Then ask yourself, what is the resolution? Picture a bull's eye target. You know the “Target” logo. I am not talking about the resolution as the target. So you have that picture? Now see yourself shooting an arrow that hits the middle of the red bull’s eye, Now shoot a second arrow that splits the first arrow in the center of the bull’s eye — that is how focused the resolution must be. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s certainly visual. My hope is you’ll remember it. Number three,

3. Why am I stuck?

Why am I stuck with my pain and haven’t found the resolution? You need to know why you haven’t found the resolution. There are many ways to resolve conflict, pain and problems. So why am I stuck? In other words, what is the resistance I’m feeling? Why do I feel resistance? This is the most important question of all. You’d be shocked. Sometimes, it’s so trivial, like I didn’t get started with the resolution or I haven’t found someone else who’s found the resolution who had a similar pain (which is a hint about question number four). It is my hope that you journal each of these questions. Use a page for each to really explore them. Now, we are on the home stretch. Number four,

4. What is the process?

You want to know the process to get you unstuck from your pain and find the resolution, which is that center arrow being split by your arrow in the middle of the bull's eye target. The resolution has a process so you want to ask yourself, “What is the process?” By the way, it’s the resolution process, not the solution. It’s a process in and of itself. It’s the resolution process. That’s why you are here. Someone asked Ross Perot, “What’s the secret to success?” He replied, “Become an apprentice of someone who’s doing what you want to do.” Once someone gives you a combination to a lock or a safe, which allows you to open the door to the secret passageway to wealth and riches, you have it for life. Why reinvent the wheel? You just need to know the combination once — that’s it. Number five… is you ready for this? This is where most people fall flat on their face. They can define and understand why they’re stuck with their pain and haven’t found the resolution. They may have even found the process that others have gone through to get unstuck with the pain that’s similar to their own but they fail to take this fifth question seriously. So number five,

5. What is my first step?

If you’ve ever read David Allen’s work Getting Things Done, he says that it’s the next physical action. Is it a list? Is it visiting a library? Is it going to a website? You must define what your first step is and take that step. Once you take your first step, you will take your second one, and so forth. It’s physics — something that is set in motion stays in motion. A journey of a thousand miles starts with one what? One step. How do you eat an elephant, one bite at a time. We have heard it before but now let's apply it.

That is the five-step template into accelerating anyone into the process of making change. You will get more done faster, better and with the least amount of effort if you follow that — if you just simply give it a try.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group

Do You Have Vision?

Many people are talking about vision boards. What exactly is a vision board and why do you need one. More importantly than that do they really work?

Let me start with what is a vision board. A vision board is a collage of pictures, statements, ideas that represent things your want to attract to your life. It is just that simple.

So now, let us talk about why you would need a vision board. Many of us focus on the day in and day out things that happen in our lives. However, if the circumstances of our lives are negative, then we tend to focus on that negativity and we miss the wonderful things trying to change our lives. With a vision board, it helps you to see where you want to go instead of where you are. It helps you to focus on the possibilities. So it redirects your energy to stretch beyond the here and now, thus allowing you to attract the positive and eliminate the negative.

Now, let us go off course a bit and talk about the wonder of a vision board party. Sometimes in our lives, we are so busy. We may want to try to create a vision board but left to our devices, it just something that never gets done because there is always something more pressing that cutting out pictures and gluing them to a poster board. Therefore, it never is completed. A vision board party says, "I am going to take a few hours out of my busy schedule hang with some friends and dream. I will laugh, chat, eat and be inspired to achieve my goals with friends that are ready for the a great life." Not only do you get to build some awesome memories with those in attendance of the party but also you get to accomplish something that will change your life and those that attend.

Here are a few tips on having a successful vision board party:

Invite your friends. Do not invite those that have a negative attitude. This party should be the one place you can tap into your inner child. It is time to dream and no dream is too small or big, actually the bigger the better. You can send out invites but a simple email will do just fine for this. Remember it is a time to have fun so do not stress over it. Make sure you take your vitamins and tell your guest to bring their electrifying energy, who knows what will happen and what memories this will bring for years to come.

Request each guest to bring a pair of scissors, glue stick, a stack of old magazines, and an appetizer (dessert, finger foods, bottle of wine or juice). I also include their favorite CD of music what is a party without some dancing music.

Once you have an estimate of how many guest will attend. Go to your local dollar store and buy a poster board for each person attending. (I like to buy different colored ones but you can get all white, it really up to you). You can also purchase a handful of glue sticks to make sure that you have enough in case a guest forgets to bring one. Some markers, crayons, colored pencils and extra scissors are great to have also. If you are an arts and crafts type of individual, swatches of material, lace, beads and gems are a great addition too. (You can even assign certain items to guest if you like.) Do not forget to get some snacks to share and drinks too.

On the day of the party, you can:

Start with introductions and intentions, especially if there are individuals who may not know each other. Have each guest state their name and what they hope to achieve with their vision board.

Put on the music and get to work. Each guest can start with signing the back of the vision board (I do this because it gives me a sense of ownership. Like this is MY vision and it's empowering.) Then start clipping pictures from magazines. Leave no magazine un-shredded. Lay out the general design for your board. I always say put the largest image (which should be your most important desire) in the center of the board.

Make sure they all get it finished that night. Many times people leave with a few things to do to their vision board and never get it done. It is better to leave with a finished board. It is okay to leave some space for additional pictures to be added as you find them but the general idea should be completed at the party. Also, do not make your board to chaotic because you may bring chaos to your life and that would defeat your purpose!

Finally, just eat, drink and be MERRY! Laugh often and dream big!

Now does it really WORK? My answer is YES! Why does it work? Well, if you truly believe that you should live a fulfilling life and have the things you desire on your vision board, and you are open to the realization of your intentions, it will come to you. Do not put a lot of thought in the "how" you just hold on to the “what” will happen. When you are open to your dreams manifesting, they will find their way to you. You work the plan and the plan will work. You look at the board daily. Put it in a place where it is always a reminder of what you want. Attract what you want, deflect what you do not want and you will receive everything on your board. You get what you focus on!

Now start to dream big!


Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2012 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Group