Are you ready for change?

I came across this article and thought I would share it with you. - Coach Linda Hillman

You Don't Need More Willpower…
By Holly Brubach

Not being able to change doesn't mean we're lazy, stubborn, or weak. A pair of Harvard educators argue that our best-laid plans often fall through for smart, self-protective (and ingeniously hidden) reasons.

This past fall, 24 people gathered for a workshop at Harvard University, among them members of the university's human resources department, executives from nonprofit institutions, one labor union official, members of a prominent international consulting firm, a high school principal, a teacher—and me. We had signed up for the session to better understand why people struggle to make significant changes— why, for instance, their vows to improve their lives (go to the gym, be nicer, lose 10 pounds, drink less, clean up more, save money) are so often followed, sometimes in a matter of weeks or even days, by utter failure.

The workshop is led by clinical psychologist Robert Kegan, PhD, and Lisa Lahey, EdD, experts in adult learning at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. They've spent more than 20 years wondering why it is that people don't change, studying those—the few—who have successfully broken a habit and the many who, despite repeated attempts, can't. Eventually, they arrived at a theory, the premise of which became the title for their new book, Immunity to Change. Their metaphor, invoking the body's exquisite ability to ward off disease and invasion, is apt: Our best efforts to change, the researchers claim, are routinely overwhelmed by forces within us.

Kegan and Lahey have spent decades working with small groups of educators who wanted to improve their skills as teachers and administrators. They now shepherd several thousand people a year through the process they've developed. Like their book, these sessions tend to be skewed toward organizations and their leaders, but their method works as well for individuals looking to make changes as it does for executives looking to tweak their management style.

Today, under Kegan and Lahey's guidance, our group begins to engage in some supervised soulsearching. They hand us a four-column worksheet that Kegan describes as "a mental map that functions as an X-ray." For the first column, Kegan and Lahey tell us, pick a goal, one that would make a significant difference in our lives. A New Year's resolution, maybe. Or the promise we've been making (and breaking) for years. In the second column, they ask us to list all the ways that we routinely kneecap ourselves.

As an example, they bring up a former workshop participant—a superstar CEO they call Peter. Focused, disciplined, the co-founder of a multibillion-dollar company, he's the kind of person who decides to lose 10 pounds, does it in a few months, and keeps the weight off for years. But he's been less successful in softening his top-down management approach. In column one of the worksheet, Peter wrote that his goals were to delegate more and become more open to his staff's ideas. In column two, he easily identified how he sabotaged himself: by not seeking out other opinions, cutting off staffers mid-thought, and not empowering them to make their own decisions.

What's striking about Kegan and Lahey's approach is that it recognizes the often good, if poorly understood, reasons for Peter's behavior (and, by extension, our own). Our flat-out failure to bring about the change we desire is not for lack of good intentions. Whatever it is that we resolved to do or to stop doing in the past, they don't doubt that we meant it. While we beat ourselves up over our lack of willpower, our laziness, our weakness, our dark side that wins out time and again—Kegan and Lahey say those change-resistant behaviors have a very good reason for being.

"What you see as demonic is actually in some ways a very tender expression," says Lahey, "a protection of something you feel vulnerable about." Kegan adds: "The behavior you're trying to extinguish or diminish, let's say, the way you're eating or overeating—you're only looking at it as bad." But, he says, it's just the tip of the iceberg. "And until you can get below the waterline, you can't see why this behavior is brilliant."

What lies underneath the surface is anxiety, which, Kegan and Lahey explain, they have come to appreciate as "the most important—and least understood—private emotion in public life." Most of us think of anxiety as panic attacks or stage fright, acute episodes brought on by a big presentation to the boss or some other high-stakes occasion. Or a condition specific to people who were traumatized as children or survived some harrowing event. But Kegan and Lahey see anxiety as our brain's background noise, revving up when we're confronted with something new, unfamiliar, or threatening, and operating most of the time at such a low volume that we don't even hear it. "We all have anxiety, just by virtue of being human," Lahey says.

We don't think of ourselves as continually fearful, Kegan says, because we've figured out how to manage this undercurrent of anxiety—whether it's our discomfort at meeting new people, our worry when talking to the boss, or our indecision in the jam aisle of the supermarket. "For instance, I may have a deep-running anxiety that you don't think well enough of me," says Kegan. "But I don't live my life every day like I'm walking on eggshells, because I'm very tuned in to what you want or need in order to continue to have a high opinion of me. I use my energy to make sure that I keep delivering what I believe it is that you want. As a result, I don't feel the anxiety because I'm handling it."

At this point in our session, Kegan and Lahey turn the discussion to column three to identify our own buried anxiety. They ask us: What would happen if we stopped the behavior that gets in the way of achieving the goals we've set for ourselves? The room goes quiet. That simple question triggers a litany of potential catastrophes—which turn out to be surprisingly personal.

As Kegan and Lahey explain in their book, this is the moment Peter the CEO realized that if he did delegate, he would lose the sense of himself as "the super problem solver, the one who knows best, the one who is in control—yesterday, today, and tomorrow." Peter's mind was in the grip of equal and opposite impulses, prompting him to describe himself as having "one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake." No wonder our attempts to change grind to a halt.

Kegan and Lahey give examples of other clients who resort to the same problem behavior, each of them in response to different obscured anxieties. One woman eats too much because she doesn't like the overtly sexual way men respond to her when she's thin. One man binges as a way of accepting the love of his big Italian-American family.

Kegan and Lahey are in awe of the ingenuity with which we—all of us—keep our lives under control, to make sure that our anxiety is kept at bay and our fears never come true. "And life could just go on that way," Kegan says, "except that the system, this anxiety management system you've built, charges rent. It's costing you something. And what does it cost you? It costs you your goal."

It takes a little time for our group to get to the bottom of the anxiety that motivates each of us. Then Kegan and Lahey lead us through the last step. They urge us to reframe our fears in the context of the "big assumptions" that underlie them—ideas we take for granted about the way the world works and our place in it. Our parents convey to us their understanding of life, Kegan and Lahey explain, and we often take their opinions as fact. For Peter, the belief that needed to be challenged was: "If I want something done right, I have to do it myself." Kegan and Lahey throw out other examples to our group, assumptions like "If I say no, I'll lose people's friendship and respect" or "If I paid attention to my appetite, I'd never stop eating." We find this section easy to complete. Within ten minutes, each of us lists a number of things we believe to be The Way Things Are.

In some instances, Kegan and Lahey say, these fears may prove to be justified. But they usually aren't. For all its intelligence, our psychological immune system is not infallible. Like our physical immune system, it sometimes sounds the alarm in situations when it shouldn't. "When it rejects new material, internal or external to the body, that the body needs to heal itself or to thrive, the immune system can put us in danger," Kegan and Lahey write. "It does not understand that it must alter its code. It does not understand that, ironically, in working to protect us, it is actually putting us at serious risk."

Traditional psychotherapy trusts that the truth will set the patient free, that the power of insight will overhaul the behavior you're looking to change. But as any disillusioned analysand can tell you, arriving at some deeper awareness of how you're screwed up doesn't necessarily make you less screwed up. That's why this final step of the process is a little demoralizing. Confronted with the evidence of why our past attempts to change had been doomed to failure, we sit, staring glumly at our X-rays. "This is a perfect system you've created," Kegan tells us, and we have to admit he's right. As much as we want to finally make that New Year's resolution stick, it turns out we are equally committed to another, previously hidden, agenda. So Kegan and Lahey ask us to devise "experiments," starting out small, to test our assumptions. Someone like Peter, who is trying to break a lifelong control habit, might choose to delegate a task that isn't life-or-death to the most capable member of his staff and see what happens. Someone else might decide to say no to a dear friend and see how he or she responds. The man who struggles with his Italian family might commit to 24 hours of eating only when he's hungry and see how it goes.

Surviving tests like these, Kegan and Lahey tell us, puts you in a position to question ideas you've understood as universal truths, and with those changes in your mind-set come changes in your behavior. In their years of experience, Kegan and Lahey have seen people make enormous shifts—they've lost the weight, stuck to the fitness program, learned how to manage their temper, finally cleaned up their office. To our group, this kind of transformation feels daunting, but more promising than another round of New Year's resolutions, that's for sure. For the first time, we understand what we are up against—not the evil within us but our own ingenuity, well-meaning but misguided. What a relief that turns out to be. Not a solution but a place to start.

Breaking NEWS - What's New With D2BU

Hope all is well! I just wanted to reach out to each of you about some exciting news, I think you all will want to know this.

I just created something that I am very proud of. I have discovered that many are looking for ways to make their life count and make a difference. There are many out there telling us what to do but not how to do it. So we get frustrated and discouraged. Well, I believe I have the answer to STOP the madness!

I have discovered a way to work with my clients and potential clients so they can:
* increase their earnings by 40 -50%
* Find more time in the day to relax
* Do what you truly love and make money
and finally...
* Get the results you dream about.

I know this sounds amazing and (to be honest) not realistic at all. However, I will let you be the judge of that. Listen, these seminars are just the beginning of my plan and I am sure that working with me will get you forward movement very quickly.

When I designed this program, I had people just like me in mind, people wanting to do what you love and make money. Tired of seeing others make it and charging you a fortune to find out how they did it. Only to give you the what and not the how. If you agree with me...then simply drop me line on facebook or email me at coachlindahillman@hotmail.com for more information.

You can also go to www.lindahillman.net and read my coaching page to see the services I will be offering.

Be empowered,

Coach Linda Hillman
Only those that can see the invisible; Can achieve the impossible!
Copyright 2011 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

Introduction to Destined 2 B U

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Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2010 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

Be Empowered 
Coach Linda Hillman 
Copyright 2010 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

A Better You, NOW?

Everyone has a “get rich quick” scheme!

Every one has adopted the “name it and claim” fabrication!

Every where there is a “process” or “program” for attracting the love of your life, all the money you desire and the body of a God/dess!

And it seems that everyone is an “expert” of this or a “guru” of that with lofty promises of making you a guru too!

In the words of Malcolm X, You’ve been had! Hoodwinked! Bamboozled and led astray! And not necessarily in this order!

Well DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE! And it’s all “hype!” You cannot microwave your way to health in 10 minutes! And success is not a mirage! Health, Love, Money and Fame will not come by way of smoke and mirrors! So stop falling for the okie-doke! You will not blink your eyes and land on top of the mountain, neither will you amass fame and fortune in your life by fast talking, quick thinking, scheming lies!
Sorry,  I must keep it 100!  I give it to you straight, no artificial flavors, sugars are additives! Hard work, has become a term of profanity and success has become a con game!

Well I for one have had it! So if you are ready to roll up your sleeves and have the drive, guts and determination to get in the driver’s seat of your life and stop being persuaded by the “green grass” in the other guy’s yard and are ready to take care of your own lawn and sow your own seeds so that you may reap a bountiful harvest, then let’s do it together.

In the words of Michael Jackson, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror and I’m asking him to change his ways. No message could have been any clearer”…IF you want to make this world a better place you gotta start with you.

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2010 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

The mission of The Destiny Seekers Circle™ is to provide insight and support for the conscious individual in a purposeful setting – focusing on authentic and empowering strategies to help YOU grow to become who you are destined to be.

What is The Destiny Seekers Circle™?
The Destiny Seekers Circle™ is a virtual community of conscious and spiritual individual, where They can come together to receive support, ask for feedback and resources, and discover new and effective strategies for become The person They were created to be in a low-cost coaching environment including monthly group calls, a private forum, and a monthly newsletter “A Better You Now” and weekly motivational e-mails with lots of tips.

“True discovery consists not in finding new landscapes, but in seeing the same landscape with new eyes.”

~ Marcel Proust

Who can join The Destiny Seekers Circle™?
The Destiny Seekers Circle™ is specifically for the individual who would like to receive support in launching a business, writing a book, taking steps toward new relationship, living a dream or vision. Typically speakers, authors, visionary entrepreneurs, stay at home moms/dads, those going through transitions and other that just can’t quite find their place will greatly benefit from this type of setting.

What does The Destiny Seekers Circle™ include?
The Destiny Seekers Circle™ includes:

• One monthly group coaching call – the first Monday of every month at 7PM Eastern, 6PM Central, 5PM Mountain, 4PM Pacific – these calls are open coaching calls, simply call in for your opportunity to receive laser coaching.
• Weekly email empowerment tips, strategies, and support
• Private group forum to ask questions and generate discussions on hot topics
• Support, encouragement, and accountability
• Sharing in successes, visions, and understanding
• Occasional guest experts and bonuses
• 1:1 coaching once a week for 12 weeks
• The Destiny Seekers Circle Journal™ plus…
• Get Inspired CD ($12.95 value Bonus)
• Discounts on ALL live events and coaching programs (Bonus)

“A Master Mind is the harmonious alliance of two or more minds that create a friendly environment to gather, classify and organize new information for fast and effective implementation.” 

~ Napoleon Hill

Why would someone join The Destiny Seekers Circle™?
This is perfect for the individual who occasionally has questions about purpose, destiny, success and meaning. The individual who needs an answer on how to do something, or would like to be a part of a larger community and collaborative effort of support, while achieving goals and making their lives better now. This is for the individual who is tired of the mediocre and mundane. The individual tired of empty promises and pipe dreams and not interested in being plummeted by another get rich quick scheme or dream killing opportunity. So if you are ready to roll up your sleeves and have the drive, guts and determination to get in the driver’s seat of your life and stop being persuaded by the “green grass” in the Joneses yard. If you are ready to take care of your own lawn and sow your own seeds so that you may reap a bountiful harvest, then The Destiny Seekers Circle™ is for you!

Warning: This is for the individual who wants to live as they are supposed to live, the ones that know that they are here for a purpose and given the opportunity they will shine like the radiant, brilliant and unique star they ARE!

How does The Destiny Seekers Circle™ work?
The Destiny Seekers Circle™ is ongoing so it begins for you as soon as you register. You can begin connecting with other members, introduce yourself and ask questions in the private forum. You can stop participating in the circle at any time, no questions asked.

“The only things worth learning are the things you learn after you know it all.” 
~ Harry S. Truman

How can I join The Destiny Seekers Circle™?
It’s simple, just click on the registration link below and get started today. You can join the first month for only $5.00, and Then every month following that you will be billed $15.99/month.

**This is an introductory price and after September 1, 2010. The monthly price will go up to $24.99 and the first month will be $12.00 HOWEVER, not for those already participating in The Destiny Seekers Circle™. **

Here’s the recap of what The Destiny Seekers Circle™ includes

• One monthly group coaching call – The first Monday of every month at 7PM Eastern, 6PM Central, 5PM Mountain, 4PM Pacific – These calls are open coaching calls, simply call in for your opportunity to receive laser coaching.
• Weekly email marketing tips, strategies, and support
• Private group forum to ask questions and generate discussions on hot topics
• Support, encouragement, and accountability
• Meet like-minded colleagues and make valuable connections
• Guest experts and bonuses
• Weekly 1:1 coaching for 12 weeks
• The Destiny Seekers Journal™
• “Get Inspired” CD (12.95 value – added Bonus)
• Discounts on ALL live events and coaching programs – Valued at thousands of dollars – added Bonus)

You get all of this support and more for only $5.00 for your first month and then $15.99 for each additional month you stay in the program. Membership may be discontinued at any time. Remember, you are getting an additional savings for joining during this introductory period. In September the price goes up to 24.99 with the first month being $12.00.

What would happen if you had...

• the opportunity to get ongoing ideas, tips, and inspiration to support you in your search and growth journey to live your authentic, complete and purposeful life and the opportunity to share your services and experiences with other like minded individuals?
• the opportunity to ask simple and easy questions that would ensure that you grow faster, reach more answers, and expand your knowledge?

How different would your life look if you had…

• a safe space to get feedback, encouragement, and accountability on a consistent basis?
• more confidence in achieving your visions and dreams that you are implementing?

Remember the last time you were planning to transition to a new career, relationship, business opportunity, or maybe it was planning a speech, writing that book or etc…, but didn’t feel confident in what you were doing, how successful you would be, and what to say to others who asked what you were doing or thinking?

Just one more thing…

This is a powerful, low-cost solution to getting the support that you need. My hourly fees start at $299 per session – so don’t delay and take advantage of this incredible opportunity today! Remember September 1, 2010, is just around the corner.

Have additional questions, email us now.


 Linda Hillman is the Destiny Empowerment Coach, helping the conscious individual find ways to realize and manifest their authentic, complete and purposeful life. Coach Linda focuses on the end result as a way to grow you to your potential more effectively and efficiently.  SEE The Invisible, ACHIEVE The Impossible! (http://www.destined2bu.com)

**NOTE: Membership benefits are subject to change without notice at anytime.**

Be Empowered
Coach Linda Hillman
Copyright 2010 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching

The Dirtiest Four Letter Word by Carl Reid

This article was originally published in The Productivity Institute (PI) Newsletter

When my daughter was about 3 or 4 I began asking her to do things to push her past her limits. She always felt she performed quite well, because she received a lot of encouragement for just attempting to do things most people would say 4-5-6-7-8 year olds aren’t capable of doing. I would get her to do things, like asking her to take her bowl and put it in the sink. Although I knew she couldn’t reach the sink, I just wanted her to try to reach anyway. Dropping the bowl was OK. After a couple of futile attempts, I picked her up so she could place the bowl in the sink. She still felt accomplished in feeling like she still did it herself. Another time I asked her to help me clean an imaginary dirt spot on the wall that was out of her reach. After she tried and figured out she couldn’t reach, I picked her up. She cleaned the spot. She felt very satisfied with her accomplishment.

Not yet 4 1/2 years old, one day I asked her to count to 10. She hadn’t been taught yet, but I thought I would really push her. She responded with the nastiest little word. I told her, if she said that “bad word” again, I would wash her mouth out with soap. I came from the bathroom, with a bar of soap to show her I meant business. I asked her again to count to 10. She said that 4 letter word again, more adamantly. I rubbed my finger across the wet bar of soap and rubbed my fingered across her lips. As soon as she licked her lips, she proceeded to cry from the awful soap taste. She ran to her mother to sooth the distaste on her lips. When I told her mother about my request, she [mother] freaked out. Mother also said the same dirty word, in referring to my daughter’s limited knowledge. I was a maniac, as far as her mother was concerned.

I pulled my daughter from the safety of her mother’s arms. As I visibly rubbed my finger over the soap bar, I asked my daughter to count to 10. She already knew the result of saying the bad 4 letter word. So she thought carefully. The most amazing thing happened. She turned around with her back to me and said “help me daddy”. This was symbolic. She knew every time I picked her up, she always accomplished something.
That dirty word did not appear in my daughter’s vocabulary again, until her second year in high school. She didn’t do well in history. I asked her “what is the problem”. She responded with that dirty word in a complete sentence. I proceeded to the bathroom and she changed her tune with a quick retraction and apology for using that word. So we continued with planning actions for improving her report card. She past all her subjects, including history, on the next report card. It’s phenomenal how eliminating that nasty word helped her accomplish so many things over the years.

The odd thing is this 4 letter word is socially acceptable in any gathering of people. No one gives it a second thought. Very few people realize the damage this nasty word does to other people. It cripples many people. People hear this word, pass it on to other people and more people hurt themselves saying it. Many parents think nothing of saying this word to their children in every day conversation.

People miss out, on opportunities, raises, going to college, moving up the corporate ladder, starting a business, settling a dispute, forgiving a family member, meeting a new friend, taking a trip, learning something new, negotiating a better deal, just by uttering this word constantly. Drum roll please . . . the dirtiest 4 letter word, which should be stricken from the English dictionary, is: Can’t

I can’t do it *It can’t work * You can’t have everything you want * It can’t be done * You can’t do that
Who wants their mouth washed out with soap?

*******
“No one is a failure, unless they fail to try” -unknown
 
Carl E. Reid landed his first managerial position at age 16. Mr. Reid has over 40 years of business experience, including 26 years as an information technology expert and 15 years as a business career coach. He is CEO of NetTECH Systems Reid & Associates, Inc..  Carl has been a professional blogger and social media expert since 2004. In addition to being a sought after speaker, he publishes Library of Congress recognized newsletter blogs www.SavvyIntrapreneur.com and www.iTechSpeak.com . Carl is Chief Operations Officer for Empowering Today™s (ETP) Network. Email: Carl@success4u2.net - Tel: 201-222-5390.

Destined2bu.com

Air castles and the beliefs that drive them By Wendy Y Bailey

Sometimes your group learner is "building air castles."  That's when she's not being honest or truthful with herself.  My 79 year old mom says that's what my grandmother called it when you make up stories that have no basis in reality.  Hilarious, heh?

Each person in your group brings her own set of unique experiences to every group coaching session.  These experiences always color what she hears, sees and thinks — and more importantly, what she believes to be true.  Her beliefs shape every resulting action and you're there to help her tune into the truth.
So, what do you do when your group learner is building air castles?
Very simply, you coach!  Building air castles offers a perfect opportunity to laser coach her right there in the midst of the session.  Simultaneously, you encourage all of your group learners to create a listening and supportive circle.  Your learner has an aha moment and sometimes - no, most of the time - the learners within that supportive circle, have their own very personal and powerful breakthroughs too.

One of the five essential areas for transforming your learner via laser coaching is PERCEPTION.  Think of perception as a direct line to your learner's beliefs - the internal place and space from which she operates.  It's the place that speaks to how she they feels, how she reacts, how she responds to any situation she encounters.

Laser coaching helps her to know, feel, think and believe differently.  It's all about shifting the perception and stop her from building air castles.

For ONE LAST TIME, I'm 33 Minute Mastery: Group Coaching in 33 Minutes.  In 33 Minute Mastery, I share techniques on how to shift the beliefs of your learners via laser coaching.  Join me for this last LIVE group coaching experience of one of my bestselling group coaching programs.

Wendy Y. Bailey is a Master Certified Group Coach, Certified Experienced Coach and Certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner. Affectionately called "WendyY" by her business associates, colleagues and friends, she's also the Creator and Founder of Group Coaching Mastery - Master Group Coaching with an NLP Twist. WendyY helps coaches, speakers and trainers learn to create, design, market, fill and deliver bestselling group coaching programs using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (persuasive marketing, language skills and influence strategies.) More about Group Coaching Mastery programs

 Destined 2 B U Empowerment Coaching